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Hey everyone,
I just wanted to share something that's been going on in my life recently.
Like the title may have hinted. I want to talk relationships and the honestly difficult times that they can bring out.
After all, it's about two different human beings who decided they want to be together but that decision can really be brought to your attention when things get rough in the relationship.
You all probably don't know this but I've been with my girl for over 5 years just this year and honestly, it has been one of our worst years together due to constant fighting and dissatisfaction from both sides. It really brought out a lot of negative in me as it would in most when one of the few people you cherish most begin to feel like a stranger to you.
That happened to me this year.
We had been fighting so much, things we had said or done years ago had been brought to light as if they had just happened yesterday. We had actually decided to take time apart and It was really difficult because we had seen each other almost every week, no matter how bad our schedules were.
Though now, I feel I can write about this because we had just started talking again like we used to and being able to laugh with her again was honestly, amazing.
I don't ever want to go through this kind of situation again but in relationships, it's something that may just happen as you may not always see eye to eye with your significant other and that is normal. After all, you are two different human beings.
It's crazy how important being able to communicate your feelings is, especially when you don't realize yourself that you're bad at it. It's really a tricky business when trying to communicate feelings that even you, yourself aren't always sure of. Now add another person to the mix and their feelings and some of the important things can get lost in the heat of the moment and much can be said to ruin it, all the while very few things can express what you feel without coming off as you attacking the other person.
Sometimes being right isn't always the answer you're looking for and being wrong isn't the option you want to take. It's crazy how things can escalate and next thing you know you're keeping track of scores that are irrelevant. Who's right and who's wrong. It's all a mess and it's all because we don't want to feel like we are giving up who are in the relationship.
Insanely enough, it really is once all is said and done and you end up by yourself that the bubble that is your ego pops.
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You're alone now, you realize that those arguments you won didn't mean anything and the happiness that person let you experience may vanish forever. The love that you experienced was real and you may lose it all. Why? Was it worth it? The questions almost have a piercing feel to them. You try to numb it yourself. Thinking you can escape the pain. You try and distract yourself.
You run.
I loved her. I realized I didn't want to. I became honest with myself. We both had things we wanted. We both had our views of how our lives together would be.
This is where I really realized the meaning of being able to communicate meant. It's about being honest. Truly honest. If that honesty can be shared with them, there may still be hope. I realize that this "always being honest" policy isn't the easiest thing to do especially when your honesty isn't always going to be the nicest thing.
It still has to be said. Bottling my feelings is probably one the worst things I do. It just made me find anything and everything to make them understand I was hurting and not always in the best way.
I finally told her everything. We are still talking. I found myself lucky that even after all of this, she still had it in her to listen.
This story may be getting a little longer than expected so I will cut it short here.
It may be hard but if you are willing to at least listen to each other. There is always hope for a brighter road ahead. Then again, being more honest up front may be the wiser of choices.
I just wanted to share this to remind you and myself that there are always ups and downs in all parts of life even in relationships and of the importance of being honest with your feelings and to not let your repressed emotions nor your ego take control. Yes, cliché as it is, it really can make a world of difference. I'm still learning to be better and remember, we're all a work in progress. (;
Even if you didn't get much out of this. I hope you enjoyed reading it.
