why are you cuckering me why do you hurt me why did you betray me? What did I do wrong? what are my shortcomings? "
"No, you are completely innocent ... You have no shortcomings ... In fact, I am the one who has flaws, I can't be with you anymore ..."
"Why?"
"Understand, I can no longer love you ... I can't?"
"Why? give me one reason ... "
"do not force me.."
"I will continue to force you until you want to give me a reason ..."
"I just want you to be happy.."
"Is that the reason?"
"Yes, that's all ..."
"Do you know where happiness is? it's in you ... "
"I? no ... the happiness that is in me will only apply temporarily in your life ... "
"I do not care.."
"But I care ... understand ..."
"What do I understand that happiness for?"
"For your future ..."
"The future I just want to be with you ..."
"I can't ... go ..."
"Is it because you love him?"
"do not force me.."
"Alright, I hope you are happy with him ..."
"Yes .."
I cried, I was sick and I even accepted all this God ... but I know this is the best ... I can't force this heart, even though this heart sincerely loves it ... maybe I was wrong from the start ... but this feeling? I know it's not God's fault ... I don't want him to hate me ... I don't want to ...
"Don't cry anymore ... you can do it ..."
"Thank you for helping me ..."
"You're welcome ... wipe your tears ..."
"But it hurts ... This heart is hurt ... This heart is fragile ..."
"Believe me, your sincere intentions will surely be helped by God ..."
"Is this painful? is this how to do it? "
"Everything will go beautifully ... everything will be fine ..."
"I want to be alone, please leave me here ..."
"Okay ... but promise me, if you need a shoulder, contact me ... whenever and wherever this shoulder will always be there for you ..."
"Yes, thank you.."
I walk in the cold night ... in the rain ... I am like a dry leaf, which is ready to fly anywhere if there is wind that takes me .. occasionally I look at the dark sky, feel something that maybe I can't say .. rainbow at night? is that there? can it be real? I want to see it even if it's just once ...
My footsteps took me to a house that was at the same time my adopted brother's workshop ..
"Brother, I've run everything ... I succeeded brother ..." My tears fell when I was standing in front of Ricko
"Don't cry sweet sister ... you have to be strong ... sacrificing something needs patience ... tears that you drop will never be able to make you sincere ... remember what your goals are, remember what you are doing for all this .."
"But this is too tormenting me brother .. I'm afraid he hates me .. I'm afraid sis .."
"Believe me one day he will understand dear ... don't ever regret doing something good ... here we come in ... later you catch a cold if you keep on being exposed to rain ..."
"Yes Sis I'm in ... accompany me Sis ..."
"How could you leave you alone when you are like this ..."
"Thank you sis ..."
"Do not thank you too much brother .. I am your brother dear .."
"Sis, how is he?"
"Believe me .."
"Believe me sis? he must be sick, he must cry .. he must be hurt sis .. "
"That must be sister, but you must remember, all your goals ..."
"Look at all the contents of the message sis ..."
"Yes, later you will see, you just rest .. don't cry anymore ... Tonight, sleep in brother's room
"Yes, sister.."
I see his footsteps start to leave me alone in this room .. for some reason these tears still want to drip .. God if this method is beautiful in your eyes please strengthen my fragile heart this Lord .. only you know how much this feeling for him ..
"Morning sweet sister ..."
"Morning, sister ..."
"Your body is hot again ... You eat breakfast first, then take medicine and you rest again ..."
"I don't need food sis, I don't need medicine .. I just need a breath of relief ... I want to go to the House of God sis ... I want to pour all my heart into Him ..."
"Big brother will be among you but you have to eat first, so you have energy ..."
"Fine sis ..."
Thank you sis, for taking care of me ... for making me look strong, my lips are no longer able to say it to brother ..
"Wait for me here sis, I'll go in first ..."
"Yes, sister ... smile ..."
":)"
Father, I'm sorry, I want to apologize to him and say everything to him ... but I, I can't afford Father ... I don't want to destroy his future ... please help me Father .. I want to be strong and stay strong carrying out all plans this .. don't let there be any hatred from him for me Father .. I can't stand he hates me .. I know I'm wrong but I do all this because of one thing, I love him but love his future more ... hopefully everything I do is never in vain -Sia Father
"Brother, I'm done ... right now please take me to our favorite eating place sis ..."
"Alright sister ..."
My brother and I went to our favorite food place ... when we got there, my brother immediately ordered food and drinks that we used to order ... suddenly my blackberry sounded ... there was a message from him ..
"How, are you happy?"
"As you can see ..." I replied
"Oh well ... sorry if I bother you ..."
"Yes .."
These tears fall again ...
"My brother could not, until when will all this happen sis? how long will this bitter smile hold this hurt heart sis? "
"Sister, remove her pin ..."
"I can not sis ... I still want to see it even if only from this blackberry ... understand sis ..."
"Brother understands, but please don't cry anymore ... it will make you even more hurt ..."
"Hi.."
"Hey too .. where are you from?"
"From home, I was going to look for food, I happened to see your car here ... so I stopped by dech ... apparently there was Fay here ..."
"Yes ... What do you want to order?"
"Whatever dech bang is important just like Faya ..."
"Okay, wait here."
"OK, thank you, sir ..."
"Are you sick, Fay?"
"No, it's just a little unwell ..."
"What's the difference with pain?"
"?"
"Don't think too hard ... I know all the pain but remember, remember your goal Fay ..."
"Andik is right ..."
"Yes ... you two can only talk but I feel it ..."
"Who says it?" said Andik
"I.."
"It's just your feeling.."
"Don't discuss it, let's eat first ... the order has arrived ..."
I enjoy the food in front of me .. occasionally I look at Andik .. not because I like it it's just that I don't know why he wants to help me ..
"And ..."
"Yes, Fay?"
"I want to ask.."
"What do you ask?"
"Why do you want to help me?"
"feeling.."
"What do you mean by feeling?"
"You just eat .. don't talk too much .."
"Answer .."
"I'll answer later ..."
"Okay ... I wait for your answer ..."
After eating we immediately left the place ...
"Ricko, I bring Fay for a moment ..."
"Where are you going? My sister is sick ... "
"I sent him home .."
"Alright, take care of him well ..."
"Okay.."
In the car
"Why are you crying?"
"You see this and ..."
"Apparently a lot of mops * cur"
"This is it?"
"Yes .."
"Now he considers me nothing more than poop and ... hurts ..."
"Here is your blackberry ..."
"What do you want?"
"I want him to think more mature ..."
"Never mind .. I do not want to make him angry .. if this is on his mind .. okay .. I accept"
"I'm the one who can't accept ..."
"You have to, this is the risk ..."
"Thank you for all your words ... if you think of me that way, it's your right ..." I sent this message directly to him
"Yes," he replied
These tears are trickling harder .. do you know what my purpose is? do you know why I do all this? I want you to be happy .. our differences are too far .. your age with me is far different .. I can't see your future falling apart .. if you love me sincerely, you will never think of me like that .. you know, I'm also hurt here ... even more than a knife stab into my vein .. I love you more than you know ... understand I am forced to do this all ..
"If you cry all the time, I'll make sure he doesn't exist in this world ..."
"And why are you like that ..."
"I don't want to see you cry .."
"Alright, I won't cry ... but don't ever do that ..."
"What are you crying for? he will never understand ... how long have you been with him? Has he seen you even if only once? are you sure there he is always honest with you? are you sure he loves you sincerely? if it were true, why did he consider you despicable so fast? why can't he close the wound with his strength? You are here crying for him, but he is there for you ... enough Fay, I don't like the way you are ... "
"But he is so because he is angry, he is hurt and ... not because he is not sincere ..."
"Where else should you be aware? where else are your eyes and heart open? until you shed your tears as high as a mountain? you and he are different beliefs, different cities .. different future .. you and he are different 5 years ... he is still in school while you? come to your senses Fay, your future is different .. you can't possibly wait for him .. and he can't possibly marry you after graduating from school .. I know you love him, I know you love him but do you want to sacrifice his future? how is the family? how would your family know you love someone with a very deep difference? "
"I know, but it's hard and ..."
"Sooner or later everything will be fine ..."
Suddenly my blackberry rang .. again a message from him.
