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People tend to believe that tragedy and misery are an essential part of life, and they’re right! However, what people don’t seem to acknowledge is that it’s optional.
I want to share with you my perspective on this topic, since it’s controversial and yet relevant to our lives, and how I simply accepted to constantly go through a misfortunate path that I assume, you have gone through as well.
Believe me, when I realised just how absurd it was for me to suffer for meaningless reasons, I was able to finally take the pressure off my shoulders.
We’ve all suffered more than once in life. However, it is crucial for us to understand where these feelings are coming from so we can decipher that deadly mechanism. You’d laugh, if I told you that 90% of those excruciating thoughts and emotions are created by no other than yourself. But let me explain. The coin always has two sides:
-The incidents we can’t control.
-The incidents we can.
When we choose to suffer, cry and get depressed by the events we can’t control, it’s very damaging for our mind and inner peace, because we simply cannot determine what will happen! If we get frustrated and angry over a late bus when we’re running late, then we blame the driver and the government, the traffic and everyone we can think of, because being late will cause us a problem… But the truth is, the bus doesn’t run around your personal schedule and neither does society. We pretend to control our surroundings, assuming things and events without realising that life is changing, unpredictable and in many cases unfair. So, instead of assuming our own fault because we were running late in the first place, we first blame everyone and everything around us. You have to keep in mind, though, that blaming yourself won’t solve the problem, either. It will just affect our emotional stability without solving any problem whatsoever. Guilt and blame are just states from which we must learn.
We feel sorry for ourselves when it rains right before we intended to go for a run, that’s the same as if we felt sad just because the sky is blue. Why are we so entitled? Why do we believe the world has to adapt to us? It’s just irrational. Instead, we can just adapt or change our previous plans, according to the current situation. If we can do this, we can create a new and improved society.
Life in society isn’t much different from life in the jungle. In the jungle you must improvise and adapt to whatever’s happening around you, accept the daily events that occur because you understand your position within nature. The main difference between living in the wild and living within our society, is that you have more control over what happens to a certain extent. However, since we are so spoiled by the system, we tend to feel depressed when something doesn’t go according to plan. The fact that our life is full of mystery and randomness is what makes it fun and interesting, because it turns something as complex as life and turns it into a fun game, where the best move gets the best reward. If we think of this game as just constant pressure or our death sentence, makes us pick and plan the worst moves in the game. Ironic, right?
Well then, what about the incidents that we can control?
As you know, part of our reality is a direct result of the different decisions we have taken throughout our life. Think of each decision as a seed. Depending on the seed we pick, we might end up with a delicious, sweet fruit or a deadly poisonous plant.
Our universe follows the idea of cause and effect; therefore, we must always consider the things we do, the choices we make. Then, if we have control over these, how come we end up so many times with outcomes we borderline hate? Even though we had the best intentions and a great attitude?
Why do we make the wrong decisions? Is there a secret formula?
We don’t tend to be focused on our reality, on our present. Many of us live dreaming about a perfect future, others live regretting the past. Frustrated, traumatised. Many of us let our past define us, and we forget about the beauty of today. The beauty that our present has to offer.
Focusing our attention on the present, living each minute and each hour, will help us perceive our life as it really is, not as we think it is. Our thoughts are onlythoughts. They’re illusions dancing inside our heads. Reality is the one that truly deserves our effort, because reality it’s the one that will bring us joy, knowledge and unforgettable memories. It will also bring us opportunities, shape our future. The fun times fly by us, because we’re seem to be stuck, thinking about something that doesn’t exist anymore, like our past. Or thinking about something that doesn’t yet exist, our future. These are the foundations upon which oriental philosophy is built. We’re slaves of our mind and its content. We act as if following direct orders. We obey our fears, our thoughts, our traumas, our addictions. They drown us, taking us away from the beautiful scenery standing right in front of us.
Keep in mind, we must not forget another deadly enemy of our happiness and fulfillment: emotional attachment. Oh, if it was a product, it would be a best seller. Apple and Microsoft could not compete with it. Its demand it’s just immeasurable, almost everyone is a victim.
Emotional attachment makes us believe that our surroundings and everything related to it somehow belongs to us, that we have a certain power over them.
One of the most common forms in which attachment manifests is between partners.
I will share with you what happened to an old friend. He was trapped in a dilemma. He wasn’t sure whether to break up with his girlfriend or not. Their relationship was very toxic. But he made a decision.
A: They’ll say I’m selfish or that I don’t want to invest my effort into our relationship, even though I see the good in her and that I love her.
B: When you love someone, you want to fight for your love. That’s true love. And we have lost it because no one cares enough anymore.
A: Fight? Let me see if I get this straight. You’re saying that we must give up our tranquillity and peace of mind to fight for something that already exists within yourself? That we mustfight for something that harms us?
B: You’re so selfish. Are you going to live without giving your heart to someone? Without fighting with every inch of courage for someone you love? Maybe you’ll neverfindsomeone like her.
A: I’m not selfish. I just believe that what matters the most in my life, is myself. I cannot give myself to someone that has only brought me problems and unhappiness. Plus, I can’t give myself to anyone because I don’t belong to anyone. No onebelongs to anyone.
Many will think “what a individualist person” but, why do we have to fight for love? That’s not fighting. That’s begging for love. In this world, our top priority is ourselves. They give us love, but our brain and our body are the ways through which we can feel that love. Besides, holding onto one person makes us forget about life’s true beauty. We forget how it’s like to feel something new, something exciting. Why should we restrain ourselves to interact with only what we know and are familiar with? There’s so much to discover in this world but we only live once.
Dare to live, to discover, to plan. Take the chance. It might be a cliché perspective, but that doesn’t make it less accurate. We must not underestimate a truth just because we hear it all the time.
Theres many factors that play a role in shaping tragedy. But that’s none of our business, our role is to accept, understand, process, change, adapt, build and play with that tragedy. With whatever life throws at our faces. Only then, we will be able to move on and beat this never-ending cycle.
This is my opinion regarding this matter. I’m a loyal follower of this philosophy “Truth is healing, and wisdom is the bridge to reach it”.
@abelfernandez 
