I was in a discussion with my mum a few weeks ago, the discussion happened to revolve around an old woman living with her daughter. This woman had sight problems. But I have been seeing her every day in her daughter's shop for over 16 years now.
Her daughter had been so responsible in taking care of her. I can’t tell in-depth how she cares for her. The fact that she took her mother in for years and has her in her custody, makes her feel at home and dependent is enough.
I thought the old woman would be getting to her 70’s by now.
Mum added that getting to old age is not easy, imagine all the active bones, veins, and muscles, getting so weak. Yet some are blessed with the gift of good health till the end of their life. It doesn’t matter how much we cared for ourselves when we were young. Though that will have a role to be played.
She told me about a woman who kicked the bucket recently and was 110+ years old, yet nothing was tampered with her health. She cooks her meals, goes to the market, and does all sorts of things. But she has grown old.
So, when we talk about care for our parents in old age. I can say this varies, as all fingers are not equal. What I would face as a child to my parents might not be what you have to face.
Yet we still have the opportunity to care for our parents while they are alive, once they are gone, they are no more.
Our parents did care for us while we were younger. This is why I said it varies, to some, their parents cared for them with all they had and sacrificed everything for their kids to grow, to some, their parents are there for them, but focused on other things and not give them the optimum parental role, while to some, their parents are not even there to support them at all.
No matter the condition you find yourself in all of these stages. Culturally, morally, socially, ethically, and based on religious beliefs, you should be responsible for caring for them in their old age.
My paternal grandmother was cared for by my dad till death, she lived a happy life at her old age. It’s not that she can’t care for herself, but seeing her grandchildren every day brought joy to her. I could remember many times she would wash our clothes, cook for us if mum wasn’t around, and also tell us moonlight tales.
It’s not really about sending our parents money that matters, but what condition are we going to get them in to make them happy?
Meanwhile, my maternal grandmother doesn’t stay with us, she comes once in a while, and she would not feel comfortable with the ways we live in the urban area. She is used to the lifestyle of greeting people on their way to the farm, having her friends come and greet her, and dine together with them. All of these are things she can’t get in the city. So after a few days, she will get uncomfortable and ask to be taken back.
With that, can we say her children don't care for her because they didn’t take her in? No!
Where she derived happiness is her hometown. All of her children and grandchildren would come to visit her and get her things from the city. Meanwhile, in return as a parent, she would still pack some of these items fresh from the farm for her children to take home.
Parental care in old age differs, all we need to do is try our best as children to the old ones and make them feel happy and comfortable with their way of life. Remember no one knew they would grow older to that extent, and one day they would also leave the world.
My landlady in her 60s has already retired and now she is home with her business. She has plans for her old age, but I can tell you that things are not going fine. She rants every day about the economic failure and the inflation, her pension isn’t worth catering for her like in the past, and also business isn’t flowing well.
In this case most times she gets support from her kids who also feel responsible for caring for their parents. And with that, she could sustain herself.
Everyone prays to get to old age, but experiencing old age isn’t something so easy. So this is why we have to do all we can to support our parents who happened to grow and become old.
No one can tell how their old age will be, just like we couldn’t tell how our young age was, the choices we made then were done by our parents, and the same way it happens when we grow old, making decisions might not be the same as before, but our children would be in a position to do that.
The holy books also preached to care for our parents and pray for them in old age more than they did for us while we were young.
I don’t think there is something we can do for our parents that would reciprocate the love and care they had for us when we were nothing. They did it out of love without expecting anything in return. But as for us, we care for them so we can be free from some kind of entitlement, responsibility, and conscience.
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