I remember a time when I was a child. Living with my parents and siblings has been one of the best parts of life, and I always appreciate it no matter what. There are times when I have different thoughts rolling on my mind, though, as a kid, and it still happens up to now. But let me just say those thoughts are maturing as I continue to grow.
There was a time when I sat lonely reading a book. The book happened to fade away from my sight out of thoughts going on in my head. I have gone far in thoughts about life and why life was the way it was. I wished I could have a face-to-face appearance with my creator and ask all those questions.
The first was why was i even created in the first place. I had no response to that.
I realized that I was just holding a book and reading it. What next would I do after dropping the book? I don't know. They remain unclear to me. Then where was my roadmap to what I would do next? Who exactly am I? And why am i here?
Why am I here? This linked me up to another strange question again. Why do I have to answer to my name?
I got to realize they kept calling me “Abdulqudus” and I found myself responding to it.
Abdulqudus did this! Abdulqudus don't do that! Come here Abdulqudus. And that's just it. The name got stuck in my head and I found it to be mine.
Why am I called that name and my brother has a different name?
Why can't I respond to my brother's name and he should respond to mine? Why is my sister's name so different?
Then it led to another horrible question, why am I even created to be a male? I found no answer to this but my thoughts went wilder.
What if I were to be created a female? Have I lived as a female before I came again as a male? I can't even remember what happened to me in the womb of my mother. Is that just another life I lived and it faded away just like that?! Where was I before I got into the womb of my mother? I guess there were different stages of life I must have lived and gone before I found myself living again.
What if I leave the world today? Where am i going to? Is it just that I am going to another world again, different from the one I have lived in and different from the one I am living in? How can I get clear of all these? The question kept rolling and rolling in my head till I slept off.
I was called AbdulQudus again!! And I responded from the deepest part of my sleep. Then I knew I just had to live this life and there was no other way to do it. I had to zero away the thoughts from my mind but still have scars on me.
One day I had to discuss it with my brother. Immediately he shunned me and said he also had thought about that. But the best is for me not to go too deeply into those thoughts because there is no positive result from it.
Hearing that from him made me stick to the little scar on me. It was something I couldn’t forget despite how much I had grown.
I am Abdulqudus and I have to live by it. The Abdulqudus who was five years old then has lived for over 25 years now and still counting. He has related to a lot of people in life. He has faced challenges, those unclear roadmaps have become a past and a memory to him. Yet he still has to live on.
Sometimes he got zeroed in worries and lived a sweet life, sometimes he wished life could just end in the next few minutes, sometimes he prayed to live longer, sometimes he got so weak and sick, sometimes he got so strong and healthy.
This is me! And I am Abdulqudus by Name.
Here is my response to the #SeptemberInleo prompt day 7 You can check out more HERE
