You wake up. The sky is dim and the earth seems magnetic. You are clung to your bed like a magnet to metal. You’re reaching for the alarm clock ringing brightly as the harp strums away to enlighten you. Today you will struggle. Today you will feel empty. Today you are dead inside. You can’t start a fire without fuel and coincidentally I’ve been a ticking time bomb for quite some time. A propane leak residual leaking into the air slumped in the lower ground just waiting for some grand explosion.
Love isn’t a relationship anymore. It is a status. It is the nature of two people together for the sake of telling others of your successes. Social media and our own personlized profile ellicits fictional stories in which we create our happy ending. We do it each and every day. Suzie Trey 11:55 AM “I just bought a brand new car” Doug Slicaster 1:24PM (Live video broadcast): “Come on down to Dracon Toyota, we are having an employee discount sale.” A profile picture of a couple happily kissing in some foreign dump resort where they feed uncultured tourists shit food, piss pour alcohol and allow them to bathe in the sense of luxury and freedom from the reality of work. It’s strange isn’t it? You start to wonder. Some are asking themselves why is this person so cynical? And others will opt to think critically about the state of life and things. The giant snow globe we are all parading in.
For me life has been quite easy. I grew up in a wealthy family. We had a large 2500 square foot home in a rich neighborhood. A real dream world where people wandered around aimlessly like life was so simple. Smiling at each corner. Yeah you could say life was grand and simple. My father was into finance. He was an investor for some bank firm in the city while my mother ran a successful spa. Money was never an issue for my family. It came with the birth certificate. Money didn’t cut it however and it would seem money would buy me my greatest gift and lesson in life. Money bought me failure.
The nature of time is that it keeps going. It never stops for nothing. A relative passes away and here we are dealing with it. “The poor girl was only 11 years old; she was far too young.” Imagine if we could recycle time like we recycle material and waste. We take that death moment and recycle it into something brand new. A sad, tragic moment into a bountiful beautiful event. The girl dies and then it is recycled into some vast possibility of curing someones life long disease. The mere fact that life and death acting in unison. That is what I do. I recycle time and memory where others would succumb to the vampire nature of life that would render people soul-less. This is not a gift I just made up or had from birth. This is something I learned and I want to teach it to many others. Ask yourself what you’d do to make death into a flower or crime, poverty, depression, strife, racism, bigotry, abuse, rape and the plethora of disgusting plagues that infest our beautiful short human lives and turn it into something beautiful.
My day on April 21st consisted of two things. Waking up feeling exhausted with no responsibility and contemplating what to create today. I spoke to a friend. She was always having boyfriend issues. It was typical issues that a young girl could encounter with a fellow young man. He was always fixated on sex. It was as if he would do nice things such as take her out for a drive, or dinner, but immediately would seek sex afterwards. It was like he understood the basis of a relationship from a sexual exchange. The male courts the woman with event. The event could be variable stimuli such as dinner, walk, movie, drinks, carnival etc. After said event male instinct kicks in. The male wants something in return and naturally that resorts to sexual gratification. Tanya’s current lover was aggressive. He would be very stern on sexual exchanges even when Tanya was not in the mood for such endeavors. It is frustrating her and I’m sitting here in my plain white underwear at the edge of my king size bed with red velvet bedding as my hair hangs like branches scattered among st a tree just frustrated. I needed to help her and I knew just how.
I drove down to the beach later. It was a humid day, but the sun was not out. Instead it insisted on hiding away behind a string of cumulus clouds. The convertible Porchse felt refreshing as the air danced with my hair. I was cruising down the highway 992. There was no music. It was the sound of me travelling at sixty miles per hour. The air felt as if it was some intrinsic force just recharging my soul in order to perform the process of recycling time for Tonya to alleviate her issue. San Van beach. A local favorite, but it was fairly empty given the time and weather. It looked like it would rain. The clouds darkening and the wind picking up. A storm was certainly about to occur. I go down and walk barefooted along the tan sand. The tide was high and the waves were crashing in gently caressing my toes as they sent tingles through my nerves up to my spine. I was electrified. I approached the location where my ritual is performed and a loud roar is let out in the sky as the clouds light up with a sharp, blue light. The rain begins to beat down on my shoulders. I feel the drops of life absorbing in my skin. I stand towards the flat rock bed that extend 10 meters into the ocean. The water and waves are reaching just above my knees. I stopped at the edge of the rock bed and gazed into the dark unknown ocean about to ask for its help in creating new life and memories.
I silently began to meditate. I reached down slowly to splash myself with the cool ocean water on my face. It hit me like a snowflake to the cheek. I asked the ocean for assistance: “Dear nature please grant me the power to help my friend. She is troubled and needs a new tomorrow. A fresh start so she can take her abuse and purge it. Give me the abuse. Let it beat down on me like the rain so I shall endure her pain and be reborn again tomorrow anew.” The sky rumbled and the sky turned pearl white. The whip of lightning. It stung for a moment, and I saw a light. It was azure blue and the sound of the piano played as I witnessed Tanya smiling and then it faded to darkness; a black abyss.