― David Levithan
My own mother, Theresa Sterne, died at my birth―I never knew her.
But here I was, flooded with childhood recollections of my mother but from a previous life.
Until the moment I saw Madeleine Thickett's portrait, it never occurred to me that in channeling Paul Thickett's past I would inevitably revive memories of his mother, previously mine, and end up grieving a ghost.
So, I sat on the concrete floor of my basement as a parade of images of Madeleine flowed through my mind.
There were mundane memories of her peeling apples while we talked at a kitchen table, or her taking me on a streetcar to a dentist appointment and consoling me afterwards by buying me a candy bar at a corner store.
She was beautiful and kind with a soft voice that reminded me of Clare's and why that made me weep, I have no idea, but I sat there for most of the afternoon as if viewing home movies of a world long gone
Because of my head trauma, I had lost connection with so much of my past and now ironically, was recalling images from another life.
Usually photographs and memories are tinged with a wistful nostalgia but my recollections seemed darker and bitterly ironic because of futility.
What could I do with these flashbacks and reminiscences, useless as fall rain after all the flowers had died?
And then the thought made me grieve again the loss of a mother I never had.
I fished my cell from my pocket and saw it was after four.
Soon I'd have to meet with Nat and Clare and how could I begin to tell them what had occurred?
No wonder the ancient Romans believed the souls of the dead drank from Lethe, the river of forgetfulness. How else could a pagan Elysian Fields be tolerable otherwise?
But I had to deal with death in the land of the living taunted by glimpses of a history that for me was tantamount to a life unlived.
I resolved not to share my experience with Nat and Clare, at least, not yet.
First I had to feel it and live with it before I could communicate what it meant.
Besides, I also had to warn them about the extent of the imminent threat facing all of us and what measures they should take to defend themselves.
My angst about the past could wait to be revealed and discussed on another day.