Spoiler Warning! This is a short graphical story about Rex and his adventures. The subject matter within is meant for an immature audience with a good sense of humor (seriously, probably not suitable for kids under 13). These are real graphics from Xenoblade Chronicles 2, and I have not edited them (much). The story below may or may not be related to the actual gameplay storyline.
Episode 6: Revenge of the Cisgender
A Xenoblades Chronicles 2 Short Story by @creativetruth
In our last chapter, the intrepid hero was brutally murdered by a gender fluid drag diva while investigating the mysterious waterworks system of a toilet constructed from ancient forgotten technologies. As his body was swirled through the nether regions of pipes unknown, Rex's lifeforce was resteemed into the magical realm of the steemit blockchain. There he met a well-endowed damsel who had been secretly spying on him for years through the blockchain. With Pyra's loyal crush on this young hero who reminds her of Jacques Cousteau in his rubber scuba gear, and Rex's oath to harness the power of the blockchain to enact revenge on his villainous murderer, they form a sacred pact together. Pyra bestows unto Rex the precious powers contained deep inside her private key, and Rex's lifeforce is fully restored. Upon reawakening, Rex takes a closer look at his private key, and finds that his wallet is now bulging through the seams with more steem power than he can ever possibly handle alone. Along with his newfound steem power, he is also granted ownership of a mighty sword of epic proportions.
Here is where our story begins.
I must find Pyra. I can't do this alone.
Malos: Hey Jinger, why did you have to kill the annoying pipsqueak? Now I have nobody left to pick on.
Carrying this glass coffin is a job for little people, not a dashing prince like me.
I think it's starting to burn my hands. Do you know how much it cost me to get these hands perfectly manicured?
By the power of pure steem burning through her core, Pyra ignites to the top of the trending page.
829 votes... How did you do that so quickly?
Oh yeah? Eat my downvote!
In a brilliant display of showmanship, Pyra re-enacts her routine from the glory days of when she used to travel the world with the cirque du soleil.
Meanwhile, the land whale watches the livestream through his new tablet he recently purchased through AliBaba.
Teeheehee!
Now, I can cast livestreams from my desktop into my portal viewer in the palm of my ear-fins.
This is going to be fun, fun, fun!
Throttling?
Applejax!!!
Damn, this confounded contraption!
Leila: I told you not to buy an apple. I already read the 900 pages of manuals, but it was mostly the same answer to every question in the FAQ. "Visit apple.com, and a customer service respresentative will be happy to assist you."
Curses!
Listen girl, from now on you're going to be working for us. Jinger will pick out your outfits from now on, because ze has much better taste than you. Your days of wearing that conservative costume is over. It's the age of feminism and women's rights. You should be showing far more skin. Did you know that you are exponentially more likely to be sexual harassed in your daily life simply by wearing more provocative clothing? That's because we live in a rape culture. And you are also far more likely to be able to sue and win if the defendant accidentally mentions anything about your clothing as part of their testimony. #metooevil.
And as for me...
Consider me your pimp.
It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
From Above: Back off, Marilyn Manson. Leave the girl alone!
Mal: Who said that?
... and for the record, I consider that a high complement.
Marilyn is beautiful inside and out.
Hiyaaaa!
Pyra: Watch out! I'll protect you.
Rex: Take back every miserable thing you ever said Malos, or I swear I'll cut your forked tongue out myself.
Mal: Okay, I'm sorry.
Just tell me where you got those amazing contact lenses, and we'll call it even.
Rex: I don't wear contacts, numb nuts!
Mal: That's a shame shorty, because I always wanted those Betty Davis eyes...
Power me up, Predator.
I'm Alien, not Predator!
Malos shrugs.
Whatever.
In that moment of distraction, Rex and Pyra join together in a holy union, and poke a devastating blow.
I can see now you don't play nicely with others.
After I report you to the NAACP for harassing a tall, dark, and handsome man like myself, you're going to be beaten so blue, everyone will be calling you Clumsy Smurf.
Rex: Get back here you coward!
Jin: Move aside my Teddy-Weddy Bear. It's my turn.
Mal: No, I can take 'em. Give me one more chance.
Jin: That won't be necessary. This ends now.
Jin: Hit my music...
Suddenly a streak of white lightning streams across the evening sky.
Nobody puts Baby in a corner!
Kit: Rex! Look out!
The whole ship is on fire! Abandon ship!
Thanks for reading my story. Please follow me if you want to read more about my adventures.
Join us next time for another thrilling adventure. Perhaps Rex will be saved. Perhaps he will be incinerated. Or perhaps, he will enjoy another wondrous encounter of the third kind, like the time when the aliens burst out of his father's intestines and later caused his mother to give birth to a parasitic worm that would eventually devour her whole. It's all a part of the wonder years within the unpredictable universe of the Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
You never know what can happen next in the Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
Check out past episodes if you want to catch up on what you missed.
Episode1, Episode2, Episode3, Episode4, Episode5
