That was the day I found out I was not going to be hired for the job I desperately wanted. Normally this would not be such a big deal, after all people don’t get jobs they interviewed for all the time.
Except I was confident, to overconfident. I thought it was mine. No questions asked. I thought that because I was told that by the man who would be my boss and by the friend who set up the interview.
I asked him after the interview and tour of the building. “Is there any reason you would not hire me at this point?” He told me no, as far as he is concerned the job was mine. I was only being sent to the next guy as a formality.
I was sent a hundred miles away to the training store. I was to work with one of the top guys in the field. They set me up in a nice hotel room for two nights and for two days. It was the first time in four years I did not sleep under the same roof as my son. Still I worked hard and tried to learn as much as I could about the craft.
I thought I did a good job, honestly I thought the job was mine. No questions. But when I called my would be boss a few days later I was told that they were not going to hire anyone now. I was so depressed that I didn’t even ask if I was the problem. If I failed to meet their expectations. I didn’t even ask my friend, she never talked to me about it. Maybe I should have asked...
Maybe I didn’t want to hear the truth.
My wife ask her husband if he knew about it. He shrugged it off, said he didn’t know. Part of me does not believe him.
Did I communicate poorly? Preform below expectations? Was I too ugly or to confident. Did I write out the job application too sloppy or was my handshake weak?
I never even returned to massive three ring binder the training guy gave me while training. It’s still sitting under my seat where I placed hid it so I would have to look at it.
I felt like a fool. I thought of how we bought new clothing we could not afford. And how I would tell my then boss that I was leaving.
But I didn’t get the job. I lost all hope and lost my own self respect for not having the guts to at least ask why. I couldn’t even ask my own friend… A friend who we drank with and went out with and who we held so much in common with and shared so much with. But not this.
I was embarrassed when I told my parents that I didn’t get the job. Like I was thirteen and was rejected and beat up by bullies all over again.
I could lie to myself. Say I was over qualified or that I really dodge a bullet…
But why lie?
I lost the job
My ego lost the job
My over confident self lost the job
I lost it all, But found humility in the process.
Meditations
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay