I've lost my identity, or nah?

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A painting study for an upcoming exhibition


This is the initial painting study that I just did today. It took me days to be able to come up with this as my process includes just waiting for an idea to arrive 🤣.

I've enjoyed priming my canvas cos I was able to free my mind and the idea just came up to me slowly. The theme that I'm working on is about identity, which is something quite hard for me to tackle about - because, I don't know who I am.


Who Are You

I don't know about you, but to me it seems like I don't know myself to some extent. If you're gonna ask me "what are your works about?" or "how do you describe yourself as an artist?", I won't be able to answer right away. It might even take some time for me to finally answer.

To me, I see many faces. Not literally of course, but kinda like you see yourself as having a lot of personalities that you don't know who is the authentic one.

It's also why you see a lot of figures in my paintings and recently, their faces are covered with smudges of paint. They symbolize my subconscious.

There's also another point of view:

Did I really lose my identity or my eyes were just covered that I don't recognize my true self anymore?

The latter is interesting to consider.

I know you have felt like you've lost your identity once, sometimes for a short time and sometimes for a long time. But you are able to recover right away and recognize that there were just blockages in your life that hinders you from connecting to your self.

To me, it feels like I've lost it forever. I don't even feel like "that's me" when I look at pictures of me when I was a kid. I feel disconnected. I feel like they are two different persons. It's weird.


With that said, I am trying to connect with my old self. This is why I wanna use vivid colors recently and just use a lot of pink and other stuff that I used to enjoy. I'm trying to connect to the ''child'' me to my present one.

There is a part of the present me that's rejecting the childish symbols or whatever, but I'll slowly add them to my style so expect that my works will shift a bit with the looks, etc.




I'm excited to paint on canvas again and I hope I'm gonna be able to satisfy myself with the result.

I hope you find what you're looking for in life. :D

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