@stino-san's original post that contains the background art is here: https://steemit.com/steem-wallpaper/@stino-san/steemit-eye-candy
I have hypersensitivity issues with sound, some textures and smells (like chemical scents).
This means I have trouble with fireworks, especially ones that are close by. The sound goes straight through my body and produces sharp, death-like pains inside my chest. I sort of feel like I'm dying, so I avoid loud noises of all kinds.
My daughter is the same way, so tonight instead of watching fireworks on the TV or going anywhere, we decided to paint our faces, make cookies w/ miniature wax champaign-replica candles, eat California Crunchy rolls and drink exotic beverages. I decided to treat myself to IPA beer since I hadn't really celebrated my recent earnings on Steemit. I've been working non-stop, getting little sleep and haven't really had a chance to let my recent Steemit wallet sink in.
I still feel like I'm broke. It's really weird, but I'm making some progress in believing that my wallet exists now. I bought some nice things at the grocery store, and didn't experience my usual panic about getting somewhat pricey health food items like kombucha, California rolls, etc.
But that stuff isn't what I want to discuss. I want to talk about coming alive again.
@tuck-fheman sort of got under my skin tonight.
I realized that I had become sort of not a woman anymore. I kind of view myself as just a digital entity. Am I fucked up? Of course I am. Do I have contradictions? Yes, naturally. I have denied my sexuality for a long time. I forgot even why I am doing this.
You see, I hadn't really thought of all the advantages I possess as being one of the females who is willing to speak her mind, no matter what the consequences are.
I love smart people. They really turn me on. People trapped inside their own minds. Men who are socially inept, who are so advanced that they feel like they cannot relate to 99% of the population. Those are the men who really turn me on. They are hard to find.
If I sound different tonight, it's because I'm inebriated. I haven't allowed myself to get drunk in like 5 years. I'm a bonified workaholic. I am terrified of going broke. I still have the poverty mindset. But as you've guessed, I didn't grow up poor. I had wealth at one point. I am very much used to the finer aspects of life. But I have spent like 10 years in abject poverty. It has warped my mind, for sure. But I'm getting over it. I no longer think I deserve a shit life.
So, yeah, I've been drinking and thinking about what @tuck-fheman had said and I sort of realized that I have become too digital, too cerebral. I've denied myself of being myself. So, I decided to take some photos of what I look like at my age (46. I have zero shame in revealing my true age. My forties are going to be so much better than my thirties for this one reason: I know exactly who I am and I know exactly what I like. And best of all, I have a big heart. I have a mischevious mind and you will soon understand what I mean.)
Tonight sort of marks the end of an era. I have never really allowed myself to be photographed with even the slightest amount of cleavage. I have never really worn dresses that are low-cut. I like to hide behind clothes. I am crazy underneath, but I like to hide myself when the outside world is concerned. I feel exposed, vulnerable. I am not an exhibitionist, so this is sort of a big deal. I drank 6 beers, so this is not my hyper-controlled self who is in control. This is my real self that I try so much to hide. But I think I'm tired of hiding........
I hope I don't regret posting this. Can I remove it from the blockchain in the morning?
Feel free to use, distribute, copy or re-use any of my images. They are Creative Commons, No Attribution. So feel free. The backgrounds were created by the uber-talented @stino-san. I love his artistic talent.
Which one do you like the best? Will you take some photos of yourself too? I'm waiting to see them.
