Hello hivers, I just want to share again about how I feel today. This platform not only helps me gain a few friends but this helps me share my struggle that sometimes it's hard to voice out.
Today, I feel lost again.
My anxiety and self-pity are haunting me.
This is the feeling that I don't wanna feel but it keeps on coming back.
Before I can just easily move on maybe because I feel like those incidents are too shallow to focus on, but I thought that as I grew older and wiser the anxiety and emotional struggle will be too shallow and easy to deal with but no, I was wrong.
It is getting worst since my mom died. I am on the stage wherein I am afraid to be alone.
I rarely disclose my emotion to some of my friends. This is the saddest part that I am dealing with.
I tried my best to keep all of my friends and the phrase "really, did you do that?, you are making a lot of excuses, I don't believe you. " triggers me to always show them proof that yes I am truthful because I am afraid that if I lie and if I made up things people that are close to me will leave me. I even do that with my own family. The fear that I am dealing with the doubt that I sense with other people who questioned me is really affecting me mentally and emotionally but some people won't understand that level of emotions I have because we live with a different fear. The anxiety of me separating from the people whom I call family is also the thing that is hard to deal with especially if those people give my life a huge impact.
People may know me as loud, nosy at times, talkative and the life of the party but behind those, is the fear of being left out and alone. I can say that most of the people around me only know the happy side of me but don't know me behind the closed door. So if you see me happy and suddenly I became so quiet that's a sign that a part of me is sad or I remember one event that affects me emotionally. If ever you see me like this, I just want you to tap my shoulder and hug me because I can be vulnerable at times.
You can also do this with your other friends who are struggling with anxiety and depression, I remember reading an article saying that comforting people with anxiety and depression doesn't need to be done using flowery words, a hug is enough to make them feel that they are loved and you feel their pain. So for now since I can't hug any of my friends or family I can only hug my pillow and stuff toys and rest my mind and recharge. 😊
Hope this blog will help other people who are feeling the same thing as me or someone who has a friend that deals with the same thing.
Love y'all. Xoxo 👄👄👄
