Two friends of mine got married over the weekend. I was certainly very happy to see them tie the knot, especially in the times we’re living, when marriage in a way or another, has sort of lost its magic, and people don’t consider walking down that road any longer. Not that I am not happy to see such transformation in our mentalities, but I am still willing to cope with some degree of traditionalism – in particular when I know people I love and care for want it.
My disliking of the institution of marriage aside, I also have a very bad relation with religion in general. It is a choice of course, and I take full responsibility for my decision to become an atheist. But I couldn’t escape the temptation of giving some part of the “blame” to the influencing tradition during my early years. See, my country was proclaimed the first officially atheist country in the world in 1963 by our former dictator, and he took great pleasure in destroying pretty much everything related to religion ever since. His efforts were not welcomed at first, but the fact remains that we were raised as the third generation in a country that actually persecuted religious practice. With the collapse of the communist regime, religion was re-introduced in the country, but almost 40 years of atheism as a national policy, had already done the damage – most of the efforts to restore religion were faced with popular scepticism.
The general belief abroad is that Albania is a Muslim-dominated country (70% of the population), with a smaller Orthodox community being the second biggest, and a relatively tiny community of only 5-10% (depending on which report findings you read) Roman Catholics. Here and here you can read more about it. The explanation behind this is simple; we don’t really have any significant numbers of practicing believers – the figures are such for the simple reason that Albanians think religion is hereditary – much like diabetes. They were born in families which once, over 40 years ago, used to be Muslim, or Orthodox, or Catholic, and this is what they say when asked about their religion. The fact is that they are not real (i.e. practicing) Muslims, Orthodox, or Catholics. Hence, the entire myth of harmony between religions in Albania – we don’t have any religious conflicts because we are not religious as a people – simple as that.
Long story short, my newlywed friends were recently converted to Roman Catholicism. This is fine with me, since I am very neutral when it comes to religion. And I have attended weddings in church before, and was always curious and excited about the whole experience. But this one was a little bit not ordinary. First, it went on forever. The ceremony lasted two and a half hours, and we were all bored to the point most of us got actually dizzy and sick. I don’t know – probably my friends wanted to show us how hardcore Catholics they had become, or maybe they wanted to attract us into the same practice. They had given us booklets in which the entire ceremony was printed, and we were supposed to sing, pray, and read from the booklet alongside the priest and the nuns. Needless to bring up again the fact that almost all of us are non-believers, and the entire experience, after the first thirty minutes of excitement, turned out to be exhausting.
Then, the celebration later in the evening. They had rented a nice place in the city centre, and another wedding was taking place at the same time. Turned out the others were Muslim practitioners, since the women were wearing hijabs. At some point during the evening, a number of us were outside to smoke, together with the bride – same as a number of people from the other wedding. So, one of the women wearing the hijab says to our friend: “Oh look at you! You are a beautiful bride!” And my friend, in response, shows her the cross she’s wearing around her neck, and turns her back at her.
I was appalled. Shocked. Disgusted. Terrified.
Especially after spending the entire day listening to songs and prayers about loving and accepting each other. I wanted to walk up to the woman with the hijab and apologize for my friend, but I didn’t. I admit that my knowledge on Catholicism, or any other religion whatsoever for that matter, could be a bit shallow and not updated since when I satisfied my curiosity on the matter years ago – but the one thing all religions propagate is tolerance and acceptance. And all religious conflicts so far have one thing in common: the absence of such tolerance and acceptance. The entire “my god is better/truer than your god” philosophy. This is extremism; the exact contrary of what religion should be all about, and I am not fine with it.
I lost two friends this weekend. They have each-other and another group of other extremists around I believe, so they won’t need me in their lives either. But this is not what I wanted, and it does not make me happy. I have known both of them for years, and it hurts to see I've lost two good friends for good. On the other hand, I am not naïve and I know people don’t necessarily love others, and that’s ok. But I cannot come to terms with hypocrisy and I kinda get lost in inconsistencies. Anyway, one thing I know for certain: I will not look at pictures of the wedding and feel nostalgic in the future.