We all grew up into a culture that idolizes the feelings between a man and a woman or two intimate partners. It is idolized so much that we say these feelings should also transcend to the point where each partner would be willing to give up their lives for the other. We watch movies like Titanic, listen to songs like Bruno’s Grenade and even read books like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet right from childhood to old age and that’s how mind-sets are born. It has become a silent requirement we want in our partners; it is a sacrifice we expect them to make when push comes to shove. Whether we are willing to make such compromises ourselves is another matter all together.
Just last year one of my close female friends had a big fight with her boyfriend because during a conversation, he said he would not be willing to die for her. It deteriorated so fast that my friend asked for a break up. She wouldn’t speak to or see him for more than two weeks. I found it really amusing and I told her so. I didn’t see the point of fighting over something that may never happen. Why do we need to blackmail someone into wanting to die for us?
I have also realized that those who find it so easy to say I will die for you are the very ones who chicken out when the time comes to put actions into words. And the truth remains that we were born with a survival instinct that we must protect ourselves first before we consider the next person. Yes, all humans are selfish and sometimes when they help you out, like donate a kidney or some pints of blood, they want to be appreciated for ever by their recipient. They also want to be loved more or have more power over that person especially if they are close relatives or are dating or even married.
Very few acts of kindness are done out of a place of total selflessness. This is not to make light of people who help others. No. This is just to explain a bit of how the human mind is wired. We want to do good so we can be remembered and appreciated. It’s as simple as that.
It is scary to die. Even when we have been sensitized to this fact a long time ago, especially if one has a terminal disease, we still grow more apprehensive with each passing day. In fact it takes a lot of willpower and conscious acceptance to achieve peace in the face of death. So looking at your partner who is probably at the prime of his or her life with so much going for them, and asking, “Will you die for me?” is very unfair. Most might quickly give you the answer you want to hear but doesn’t change exactly how they feel on the inside. And then there's another side to it. If you want someone to give up his or her life so that you will live instead, doesn’t that make you selfish too?
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(images courtesy of pixabay)