5 questions that free you immediately from negative thoughts

"It's not the things that bother us, but the way we perceive them." - Epiktet

"Don't think like that now."

Sorry, I already have it. Since birth, to be precise. And he's in heavy use every day. Knitted to 60,000 - 80,000 thoughts. With such a crowd, there are probably also a few who feel like a hundred kilos of iron ball at the ankle joint. They pull me down and leach me out. Of course, I'd rather have a ballerman's mood in my brain for 24 hours and a Tom Cruise-like permanent grin on my face. Better be happy and positive around the clock. But how am I supposed to stop them, the negative thoughts? They ram their flags into my brain and declare the corresponding area to be occupied. On the Ballermann rules conspiracy and Tom Cruise passes the laughter.

Yeah, I'm thinking about it.

I can't help it.

They say our thoughts determine who we are. How we see the world. How we move in the world. Whether we get back on our feet after a setback or remain lying on our backs like a beetle. In short, as Marc Aurel said: "A person's life is what his thoughts make of it." On some days I think of myself as an untalented writer, a bad friend, a lousy cook, an impatient mother or an ungrateful daughter. And I can still tell myself the opposite, I just don't believe it.

And that's when I start thinking.

And I don't think that's wrong either. Maybe it's not about never thinking badly. Maybe it's all about what we make of our negative thoughts. How we evaluate them. How we handle them better.

These five questions can help us:

1. Is my thought true?

Tomorrow you should give a speech to your boss and your colleagues and you're already on your toes. You think you're gonna screw it up, tell some bullshit or get no sound at all. After all, that's how it was before when you were quoted from the teacher to the blackboard.

Much of our thoughts come from memory. From (often) bad experiences that we had many, many years ago - and which are no longer relevant today. You've been making countless speeches since you grew out of size 120 clothes: In front of your fellow students, at your best friend's wedding, at the funeral of aunt Gerda's funeral, in front of the committee of your child's football club - and you not only survived, you probably did quite well.

2. Can I draw strength from the thought or does it rob me of energy?

Let's ask ourselves whether a thought is good for us - or whether it tends to pull us down and only unnecessarily deprives us of energy. Once we are aware of this, it is easier for us to let negative thoughts flow.

That does not mean that we should basically suppress such thoughts. After all, they are often helpful hints or a valuable gut feeling that has slipped into the head. The point is not to identify ourselves completely with it. We realize that there is a difference between a thought like "Today something has gone wrong with me" and "Everything always goes wrong with me" - and this difference is enormous: If you do something wrong "today", you can do it better tomorrow. Whoever feels "always everything" is wrong actually has no reason to get up at all tomorrow.

3. Is there a bad habit behind the thought?

Not enough sleep, but three litres of coffee and a stick of cigarettes for breakfast. Lunch with the vitamin content of a worn shoe sole. Pushing around on the remote control is the only physical activity. The pressure to keep up with the others on Teufel-komm-raus. Dealing with energy vampires or chronic nagging friends. Too much stress, too little self-love.

Habits and circumstances like these provide a breeding ground on which negative thinking can only really flourish. Sometimes it is worth asking where the negative thoughts come from - and whether it is perhaps a vice, a habit or some other external circumstance that pulls us down and that we can change.

4. Is there a repressed problem behind the thought?

A former fear, buried six meters deep in the front yard. A bad experience that hurts like an old scar when the weather changes. A phantom pain from the past that we try to suppress. Do you know this? Just met a new person, a really nice guy, only his shirt is pretty ugly. Suddenly this one thought comes to mind:"It's not going to work with him anyway." Why not? Because we think his shirt is ugly? Or because we don't believe in love since the divorce? Because in reality our heart has not yet healed and the ugly shirt is a welcome excuse not to have to worry about the real problem? It's in our backyard, six meters underground in our front yard.

So it is possible that some negative thoughts are not so useless. Maybe he's warning us to take out the shovel and dig up a problem we should have taken care of long ago.

5. How much space does the thought deserve on the whole?

There are some things you just can't talk oneself good-mouthed (not even boozing up with three cases of beer). The misplaced interview doesn't only gnaw at the ego, it bites really hard and sometimes even bites off a corner. But we can learn to put bad experiences - and thus also the associated bad thoughts - into the right dimension. Does my life really depend on this job? Nah, would have just been nice, with more money and a more comfortable office chair. Are there any other jobs I could apply for? I suppose it is. Well then...

We can make sure that the negative garbage does not accumulate in our heads to over-man-high towers, obstructing us the clear view and making everything black. With these questions - and by making us aware of how much beauty and how many possibilities we have despite all the difficulties in our lives.

How do you feel about that?

Kind regards,
Oliver

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