This is the second time this year that I have had back problems, the only way I can be truly comfortable is if I am lying down. Which is great if I didn’t have my girls to look after, resting is not an easy thing to do when you are a solo parent. But my body is clearly telling me to slow right down.
Right when the temperature is starting to drop and I can finally get on with more sorting and downsizing.To say I feel some what frustrated would be an understatement.
But if there is anything I have learnt in these 40 years of my life, it is that I need to listen to my body when it talks to me and right now it is literally screaming at me. Screaming at me to slow down, to be still. This year has been such a transformative year for me, a year when I have really opened the doors more to my healing.
I feel, that there is still a lot of tension in my body that needs to be released. So I am trying to be patient and trust the process. My body knows what is best and the symptoms of any dis ease are usually a sign that our bodies and minds are already healing. The symptoms are never the problem.
So for now, I lie here trying to connect with the root cause, emptying my mind so that I can understand more and deepen my overall awareness of my body and mind. Trying to let go of this guilt, that I should be doing more, that I should be more productive. What I do know is that lower back pain, is connected with feelings of security.
Right now I am still unsure of where my girls and I will move to, I do have faith that everything will fall into place. But I there is always that concern that pops into my head, what if. Mostly I can push it aside, but on top of that we are living in challenging times and raising children in these times, well there is a lot to think about.
The world as we know it, is changing fast and I really wish for my girls to be prepared for whatever lies ahead, to be strong enough in themselves, so that they thrive. So really the loss of security I feel, has more to do with them and my concerns for what lies ahead for them.
I am really focused on creating a better world for them and the collective I am a part of, are really making that a reality. But I would not be human, if I didn’t sometimes doubt myself. We all do, I am trying really hard to just start connected to heart and not let too much fear creep in, to practice what I so dearly love to preach.
I just need to let my back catch up to that lol.It's funny how yesterday, I focused on writing about trees, the olive tree to be precise and today, here I am trying my best to be like one. To be still, to center myself and connect with my roots!
