When we are brought up in an environment, where our needs are not met, we so often spend our lives searching for those very things, that we missed out on. Because deep down, we know that we deserve them. (Even, if on the surface, we think we do not). We look for them in our friendships and our relationships and then when we do get them, when we get that love and the affection, we can react in one of two ways.
One of those ways, is to accept it wholeheartedly, because we have been literally starved of it. But then the other, is to push it away because we do not know what to do. It scares us when someone gives us attention, we can't help but imagine that this thing we have, can never last, because why would it, when we never even had it, when we needed it the most!
The way in which we have been raised, shapes us for the rest of our lives, it does not mean that it defines us, because we can always re mold ourselves. But it does create patterns in our lives, that will continue until we are able to identify them and from there begin the work of breaking those said patterns.
On top of that, we tend to attract the things that we believe we deserve and that certainly brings us back to the type of upbringing we had. We can only identify with what we went through and although we hope for something better and actively search for it, until we get to experience it,we continue to experience those same trauma's. Repeating cycles over and over again.
I can certainly attest to that, having always attracted males that were emotionally, unavailable to me.
I guess in my desire to understand why I went through what I did, I drew, exactly that type of person, who themselves were very wounded, into my life. They are Life lessons after all and we are destined to repeat our mistakes until we eventually learn from them.
On top of that, for years I believed I did not deserve to be happy, to be loved, so when someone came into my life who was capable of doing so, I ended up pushing them away! Instead I sought out those who would only end up hurting me, repeating what had happened to me as a child, knowing no better!
Breaking patterns, is not an easy thing to do. But I really believe, that now after my last relationship and after taking the time to really reflect and reconnect with my inner child, I can finally see and understand, where I went wrong. How my behaviour and the energy I was creating, was bringing me exactly what I did not want.
Until I was able to step into my power and connect with source, I could never have reached those realizations. Joined the dots even, between what I desired and what I called onto myself. I so longed to be loved and yet I was unable to really love anyone, because I was unable to fully love myself. So what I send out into the world, was not a call for love, but a call for pain and heart ache, because that was all that I knew!
How easy it was, to confuse the two, when the only love we had received was a love that was associated with pain. A love that was destructive, instead of constructive!
Now, as I sit here and manifest, as I take control of my life and my decisions. I focus on sending clear messages out into the world. After a few years, of doing the inner work and finally giving my inner child the love she so badly desired and deserved, I can now focus on bringing that type of love into my life right now and carry it forward, like a beacon so that it can reach out to others!
