I have mentioned in my previous posts how I was so deeply lost in my soul when my late sister, passed away unexpectedly after being hit by a vehicle on August 15, 2022, while we were both standing by the road and waiting for the bus at Alae, Manolo Fortich, Bukidnon, Philippines. I was saved from death by my guardian angel, my dearest sister @erikasue.
When I read the question for this week’s Ladies of Hive contest, I was truly moved and I got teary-eyed. At first, it was so heavy for me that it was hard to express my thoughts in words because I had many guilt feelings and I cannot deny the fact that a part of me is still mourning and in grief. And the truth is it is truly the hardest to lose a loved one in a blink and how tragic that day was.
At the moment, little by little, I am typing through my phone trying to speak out my suppressed feelings and I finally started to write a letter for my late sister as I get emotional with the question of the Ladies of Hive Community as follows:
Do you know someone dear to your heart who passed away unexpectedly? In case he/she can read your letter from heaven, what do you want to tell her or him? You can express your feelings, emotions, and everything else you’ve been holding inside that remained unspoken before he/she passed away.
November 15, 2023
Dear Peboi,
How are you? I miss you so much! Huhuh. I wish I could have hugged you as I hand this letter to you now and I hope this letter finds you well wherever you are now.
From the tragic day, it was so heavy for me to see you bloody, crushed, and damaged.
I could never forget that day, because it left me with a dead soul deep inside myself. I got depressed for months and until now I have been coping with that traumatic experience.
I could never forget your last words before the accident happened. We should have been in Butuan City on August 16, 2022, to get our passports because of our dream teaching in the USA, but it did not happen because life was uncontrollable and the tragic day left us all hanging.
Know that I truly miss your presence in the house every day. If there are words more than ‘so much’ and ‘very much’, that is how I missed you so badly.
I miss your beautiful face, I miss your sweet voice, I miss your smiles, I miss your laughs, I miss your lovely voice, and even your angry voice.
I admire you so much my dearest sister, for you have it all. But still, I salute you for being so humble. The thousands of people during your wake proved how good and kind you were when you were still alive.
I am missing a lot of times when we are together. Those memories when both of us find it hard to wake up because of a tiring day, that we all wanted to lie down all day long in bed or travel. Those moments when we find “me time”, are the most precious thing in the world. And all the memories we enjoyed together. I miss you so much, Boi. Huhuh.
I know how you have been a great motivator to me when it comes to every endeavor I am taking. Although I think of myself as less, you are always proud of me and you always believe in me that I can make it even though deep inside I am feeling weak. And you were always there at my weakest and crying moments.
You know how I was not as interested as you when you entered the Hive Ecosystem because my heart was left in another blogging world and I only wanted to focus there. You know that it was so hard for you to convince me to join Hive when we signed in together on June 15, 2022 after you discovered it through Splinterlands. But you did not give up inspiring me and saying many interesting things about Hive.
The memory is so vividly clear to me on the night of August 14, 2022, when you inspired and convinced me to continue my journey in Hive after my hiatus in Hive for almost two months. I came back as active on that night since you delegated 50 Hive Power so I could engage and interact in Hive.
I could still remember how you said, “Bantay lang ka Ate Jeddah ha? Padayon baya sa Hive te”. And it was as good as saying that I should keep going and never quit. And so, I replied yes to you and promised that I would stay for the community.
Boi, I am now here in Hive, I left the other world because I promised you. Now, I am staying for the community and like the many wonderful experiences that you shared with me, I was able to experience them all. Little by little I am growing and I know you are always proud of me, especially for every milestone I have reached. Hope I made you happy that I was able to keep our promises.
If only there were visiting hours in heaven, I could have you every day.
You know how I was so deeply lost when you passed away. I was depressed for months. Your passing left me to carry the heavy weight of your absence every day with so much guilt and what-ifs. But later, I understand that everything happens for a reason, and now, you are our guardian angel.
Palangga kaayo ka ni Ate, Boi. Huhuh. Please know that you are always loved, and never forgotten, and I will forever miss you, Boi.
I love you, very very much!
With all my love and heartfelt thoughts,
@pinkchic, Ate Jeddah
Disclaimer: All texts and pictures are my own unless otherwise stated.
