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Some weeks back, I and my friend decided to take a break from our busy schedule to catch some fun. Virtual fun actually. It was via an instant messenger app.
We opted for a truth or dare game, though it turned out to be only a truth game. No one dared to dare anyone. Maybe it was due to the fact that neither of us is outrightly naughty. I believe we both wanted to keep it clean.
If she was to choose dare, I'm not sure what I would've asked her to do, would've been daring enough. I kept choosing truth everytime I was to choose between truth and dare. I'm glad she did same.
It was just two friends asking each other hard, personal and intrusive questions. And what followed was an honest answer.
While having a relationship chat with a group of people today, a question I asked my friend came handy.
I asked her what my strongest point is to her. That is what she will give me the greatest credit for. Better still; what she likes most about me; character wise.
She said that it's my ability to manage misunderstandings. She didn't use the exact word though, but she implied it.
she said that what she admires most about me is the fact that if we have issues, I will still relate with her as though nothing happened. I wouldn't be reacting in anger.
I was glad she could recognize that, because self-control is a skill I have mastered overtime. Putting my emotions under check is what I pride myself on the most. I put in much energy to remain calm, when I'm suppose to be provoked. It can appear so effortless to an onlooker that a person might downplay the energy I put into doing that.
If we are friends and we have a misunderstanding, that's the time I'm going to call you and check on you the more. It wouldn't matter to me whose fault it was.
When I call, I might not even talk about what happened. I will just drop the normal check up lines "hope you slept well, how was the day, how's your day going to be etc."
I tend to demonstrate more affection when I'm supposed to be angry. That's because you can only fight off negative energy with a positive energy; evil can only be overcome with good.
You can't be neutral when offended without taking offense.
If you don't want to take offense or absorb negativity that's trying so hard to find its way to you, fight it off by acting good instead.
Back to my friend.
I also asked her of what she dislikes most about me. She said that she dislikes the fact that I talk too much. 😂
You'd be surprise to know that only few people know that about me. It's a privilege reserved only for few. Most times I'm usually quiet.
Please note that I don't talk nonsense. Most of the time, I'm only honestly trying to explain a phenomenon, elucidate point or explain a fact.
That's by the way. What matters now is that she doesn't like that about me.
Now, if I'm to propose to my friend.
She has to consider my both sides.
What should inform her choice should be what ranks higher for her.
Between her love for my ability to manage conflict, and her dislike for my talks; which one ranks higher for her?
The truth is, we will most likely not see someone that we like everything about. That's not even because no man perfect, it's just due to the fact that we are different. Even those of us that believe in God, do sometimes wish that God was some other way.
So the question is in what weighs stronger to person, between the like and dislike.
If the dislike weighs stronger, I wouldn't even advise her to marry me, even though I like her a whole lot.
If the like is to weigh stronger I will ask her to go ahead and choose me. When what we like about someone is stronger than what we dislike about the same person, the truth is we can always put up with the person.
Here is the thing;
I understand love from the Bible.
Paul in his letter to the Galatian church mentioned that the fruit of the spirit is Love.
He mentioned eight other virtues afterwards. We've often taken that text to imply that there are nine fruits of the spirit. That can't be it. We will be ignoring the grammar that was used.
He said "the fruit of the spirit is....." not "the fruits of the spirit are".
Take note of the singular noun concurring with the singular auxiliary verb.
Other virtues that were mentioned alongside Love are only a description of love.
It's more like saying; "the love that the spirit breeds is patience, faithful, joyous, enduring, gentle etc."
Those other virtues are the qualities of love. The same writer said same thing in another letter to the church in Corinth.
I want you to consider the constituent of love shown above. You'll see joy and endurance.
When love is in action, you'll have what you'll enjoy about someone, as well as what you have to endure.
The enduring part might not necessarily be evil (I'm not asking you to endure abuse of any form), it might just be things that doesn't go down well with you. It's simply because we are different.
Don't abandon a relationship that is clearly adding value to your life because there is something you don't like about a person.
Infact I don't believe that life's issues should be narrowed down to our likes and dislikes.
There are things we like that isn't adding value to our lives and there are things we dislike that is of massive good to us. I would like to elaborate on this some other time.
Life to me should be purpose driven and goal oriented.
We must learn to endure whatever and whoever aids our purpose and drives us to achieving our goals.
At the end of the day despite how we disliked the process, we will always love our achievement.
Oops! I guess I eventually exonerated my friend. Am I not a talkative?
I think I also exonerated myself, because I feel that I made sense. Did I?