Somebody asked me "Why is it so easy for you to let go of things and people?"
I guess a major contributing factor was during my childhood days, as i grew and experience things, I realized that everything is just temporary . That things and people come and go.
I remember when my stepdad used to give me new gadgets like playstation, I can only play with it for awhile, then my mom would get it and pawn (use it as collateral to loan money) it because we need the money more.
My biological dad and stepdad would give me jewelries for my birthday, and again, my mom would say she needs to borrow it and pawn it again because she needs extra money. And when I ask for it, she can never pay and get it at the pawnshop.
I would also receive money during my birthdays from my relatives, but my mom would say "I need it to pay for the things we spent on your birthday," or "that's okay you still have other gifts, I will save your money for you." (but she never did or she would just tell me that she spent it on my toys, or vacation.)
Then my biological father left me at an early age. On and off communication until we lost contact for 8 years.
I had a stepfather but works abroad so I only get to have a father figure when he gets back for vacation which is like 2 months in a year?
Had a boyfriend who I consider my first love, but everything went wrong so he left too.
My closest cousin who I grew up with migrated abroad and left.
Close friends and relatives I shared my secrets and had fun memories with slowly left.
And during college, I had the biggest and longest fight with my mom for 2 years and thats when I felt abandoned and lost.
Then I gave up. Gave up trying to hold on to things and people and just enjoy the moments with them while they're still there.
It was when I learned to let go because I now understand and got used to it.
Sometimes holding on inflicts more pain. Which is more worth it and logical though? The pain of holding on but hurting each others feelings? Or the pain of letting go and let each heal on their own?
And probably why I'm a pessimist. I think about the worst, expect the least and feel like blessings and people will only pass.
It's more about acceptance really, some things are just not meant for us. And it's okay, we'll be okay. 💗 And holding onto the thought "when something is gone, something better is coming."
I got a lot of messages from concerned friends and aunties. But this was not meant to make my mom or those people feel bad, or blame them because of how they impacted my character. This is just a realization and I am actually grateful for what they taught me. It actually helped me handle my emotions and accept reality, problems and setting expectations.
This was originally posted on my FB page where I wrote in Cebuano and English. I translated it so I can post it here and get my readers' insights. I believe this is also my safe space where I can express my feelings and rant my frustrations in life. I know that I can also learn from this community, find my answers to my questions or get advices from those with more experience.
I am so happy for my new found interest in writing. It definitely helped me express and process how I feel in a healthier way. 😌
Welcome to Chill with Shanna. Shanna is a life enthusiast and a wanderer. She is easy going, spontaneous and want to challenge herself by testing her limits. She aspires to be an effective storyteller and content creator.
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