In Marshall Rosenberg’s books and presentations, he gives us a practical guide on how to express ourselves effectively in the form of “non-violent communication” or “compassionate communication.”
The basic idea is, if we can express ourselves and assert ourselves without blaming or judging, we can make it very easy for people to hear our message and learn how to get along - giving and receiving feedback about behavior, and taking responsibility for our own emotions.
One important formula is to state our observation, our feelings, our needs and a suggestion. For example “You said you would arrive at 3, and you arrived at 4. When that happened, I felt frustrated. What I’d like is clear communication, and congruence. Perhaps in the future you can think carefully about how long it will take you to arrive.”
It can be difficult to state our feelings, but one pitfall to avoid is saying a feeling that is also an accusation, such as “I feel intimidated,” or “I feel betrayed.” If I am intimidated, there must be someone intimidating me. Instead, focus more on the emotion - for example, sad, frustrated, lonely, surprised, delighted.
Read the transcript and find important links on the site: A Beautiful Thought - Non Violent Communication: Episode 373