Or if you prefer a more salubrious song:
'♪We're going down Blackpool alright? We're going down Blackpool for a pint!♪'
Although my failing memory recalls:
'♪We're going down Blackpool alright? We're going down Blackpool for a fight!♪'
Courtesy of the The Macc Lads (Fair Warning: Lyrics not suitable for children's ears!)
As a child, Blackpool was one of our yearly day trips and occasional holiday destinations.
Made all the more special by a very rare (they were simpler times) Kentucky Fried Chicken feast on the journey home in Dad's company Bedford van.
Dad drove with Mum riding shotgun and us three lads sat on a customised back seat of a bus in the back of the van.
If Dad broke hard the whole seat moved forwards and backwards when breaking. Yep it wasn't fixed down and there were no seatbelts.
There was the ever present musky smell of sawdust and shavings.
Dad was a chippy, a Joiner, a Wood Woodworker.
We weren't poor but our parents had to watch the pennies because we were most definitely not well off either.
I see Blackpool as a Tale of Two Towns.
This is highlighted by the two songs, a fun place for the family to visit and a place for Stag parties and inebriated adults staggering along the Prom, thankfully the latter is usually in the evening.
There are many family attractions:
Tourist Markets and Souvenir Shops
Blackpool Rock
It is almost customary to buy a few sticks, take them home and shove them in a cupboard, finding them 6 - 12 months later and throwing them away.
There are at least two venues in Blackpool that publicly make the rock and don't charge for the privilege of watching, in fact they will even throw in a mouthful as a free sample.
As a family we were oft dragged into a demonstration by the kids to watch the whole process from beginning to end.
Amusement Arcades
If you like the popular UK TV show 'Tipping Point' then you'll need to be dragged kicking and screaming from these establishments.
As children we were kept well away from these venues and sternly told they were a waste of money, a sentiment I have echoed to my children.
The Pleasure Beach Fun Park
https://www.blackpoolpleasurebeach.com/
If you're in to Roller Coasters then you could well spend your whole day here!
The Pleasure Beach - Hot Ice show
https://www.blackpoolpleasurebeach.com/shows/hot-ice/
The show is varied each year as far as I can tell and some of the shows are shorter depending on the time of day they are scheduled, watch out for this as we went to the shorter one and after discovering this went to the full show at a later date.
Well it keeps the Wife happy.
To be fair I was pretty non plussed by this, but the pace of the skaters is rapid and it's quite up front and personal if you sit in the front row as we did, it's hard to ignore when you are in the thick of it and I left having thoroughly enjoyed the show.
The show we watched was quite erotic, involving a porcelain bath with long legs extending out of it and flicking hot water around.
Gonna shut up now, pass the bromide please!
Sandcastle -Water Park
https://www.sandcastle-waterpark.co.uk/
We have been several times, there is a slide and a rapids channel, water cannons and a big bucket that fills every so often and then empties itself over an area you can stand, just for the hell of it!
The South Pier
https://www.visitblackpool.com/detail/south-pier-5901/
This is a picture was taking looking South towards the South Pier with the tide out.
Fairground Stalls
These can be found on the South and Central Piers, I remember the North Pier as being a bit more up market (posh).
The Beach
This was taken whilst standing on the South Pier looking North with Blackpool Tower puncturing the skyline in the distance.
Donkey rides are still available for young children.
Blackpool Sealife Centre
https://www.visitsealife.com/blackpool/
I find all Sealife centres good for a visit.
Growing up Dad was a keen keeper and successful breeder of Tropical Fish, having bred Angel Fish, Sailfin Mollies, Siamese Fighting Fish and Three Spot Gourami's to name but a few.
So anything that swims was of interest to our clan.
I recall regularly watching Jacques Cousteau (inventor of Scuba Gear, environmental campaigner and educator, bringing the wonders of seas and their inhabitants to the masses) on telly, marvelling at the splendour of sea life.
Madame Tussauds - Blackpool
https://www.madametussauds.com/blackpool/
Blackpool Tower
There is the facility to go up the tower and we have paid to do so in the past, but as regular visitors to Blackpool (sometimes as many as three times a year) we do not go now.
Blackpool Tower - Dungeons
https://www.thedungeons.com/blackpool/
We haven't visited this attraction and don't find it appealing, we are getting old you see!
Blackpool Tower - Circus
https://www.theblackpooltower.com/our-attractions/explore/the-blackpool-tower-circus/
Blackpool Circus has a long history of famous Clown's and their assistants, in this window display the incumbent Clown is Mooky, seen on the right and on the left is his assistant and Brother Bubu.
I remember fondly the final act where the floor of the Circus Ring opens and fills with water whilst an aerobatic display is performed.
To my surprise and delight, this is still the case today, they even have the ice cream sellers wandering the isles during the intermissions.
Blackpool Central Pier
https://www.visitblackpool.com/detail/central-pier-5896/
Blackpool Comedy Carpet
https://www.visitblackpool.com/detail/comedy-carpet-blackpool-651130/
This is a almost a piece of street art, with Jokes from the UK comedy greats etched into a huge pavement mural. A celebration of the British sense of humour, something synonymous with Blackpool with many of these comedians having performed in Blackpool itself.
Winter Gardens - Theatre
https://www.wintergardensblackpool.co.uk/
We watched CATS at this venue, but the available shows vary.
Blackpool North Pier
https://www.visitblackpool.com/detail/north-pier-848980/
Blackpool Illuminations
For those that don't know Blackpool Promenade (the main South to North road that runs parallel with the coast) has at regular intervals lights suspended above the road celebrating many subjects, from Disney characters to LGBT with sponsored lights and even Spongebob Squarepants getting a look in.
We tend to find most people drive up the Promenade (very slowly) in their cars, however we have found that parking the car and walking the route is a far more pleasant and immersive experience, allowing more time to take in the sights and sounds, with the street vendors selling all sorts of children's toys. Most of which light up brighter than the illuminations themselves.
It's also easier to get a Mr Softee or classical icecream from any one of the mass of stores and huts along the way.
Trams and Fantasy Horse and Carriage rides along the Promenade
https://www.visitblackpool.com/things-to-do/blackpool-illuminations-and-lightpool/illuminated-tram-tours-(1)/
Imagine a Cinderella style glass and metal Coach and Horses and you won't be far wrong.
They aren't cheap, but if you're trying to impress a spouse it could be right up your street.
Hotels and Guesthouses
My perception of Blackpool is there is a place to stay almost everywhere you look, but then it's a popular destination for day trippers and holiday makers. So it would be worth booking in advance on special dates, like the The Air Show featuring the famous Red Arrows.
Places to eat
There are many many Cafe's in Blackpool and there are the well known high street chains such as:
Nandos - Chicken
We had a bad experience, we booked a table at the Blackpool Restaurant but they couldn't find us on the reservations list. They squeezed us in to a poky little corner after we expressed our disgust at being turned away. If you have ever watched a UK financial advert that tries to fit the terms and conditions into a very short space of time, then apply this to our entrée speech, introducing us to the Nando's Experience.
Our enduring recollection of Nando's is expensive cooked chicken, move on, nothing to see here.
Harry Ramsdens
Renowned Fish and Chips, expensive but tasty and worth it as a treat.
Pizza Hut
I like pizza, enough said.
These are the ones we have tried, but mostly we stick to the small Cafe's in Blackpool, but check the prices before entering.
If you have a good long term memory you might recall I said a 'Tale of Two Towns', the flipside of Blackpool is the more Adult night life.
The are a few Adult attractions:
Stag and Hen parties
Blackpool is a popular destination for Stag and Hen doo's, it is not uncommon to witness a rowdy group of inebriated (mainly Men and occasionally women) revellers wearing 'Kiss me quick' hats or plastic boobs or worse, much worse.
These can be spotted in the early evening and become more prevalent as the night progresses.
Funny Girls
https://www.funnygirlsshow.co.uk/
A popular destination for said Stag and Hen parties, I have been myself but I found it too sedate.
Then again I was comparing it to Foo Foo Lammar's in Manchester.
https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/memories-foo-foo-lammar-one-15585139
I recall being called onto stage as a Best Man, alongside the Groom, we were one of two Stag Doo's in a place rammed full of Hen parties.
Both Stag's were on stage being egged on to drop our pants for the ladies, who was I to dare to say no. A then single man standing in front of a rabid horde comprising the opposite sex.
My trouser were round my ankles and I was stood resplendent in my pristine boxers.
The other Stag and his Best man were a little shy, and barley got past undoing their belts.
My Groom seized this opportunity to purloin our oppositions blow up sheep doll (purchasable from all good Stag Party venues), much to the anger of the other party and the delight of the masses of female voyeurs.
Foo Foo gracefully calmed the situation by placing her arm around my shoulders and planting a smacker right on my lips.
Leaving me completely oblivious to the smear of bright red lip stick that adorned my face for the remainder of the night. (You guessed it I was too drunk to realise, but then I did get a lot of female attention for the rest of the evening)
The crowd went Wild! as they say.
Imagine this occurring after Covid, not going to happen!
Another story for my Grandchildren's amusement (when they're old enough).
So yes, for me personally, Funny Girls had a lot to live up too and fell short
Pubs
Blackpool is well equipped for a hosting a Pub crawl with many Pubs and bars.
Summary
Blackpool has a lot to offer and keeps us going back each year, so far we have been twice in 2022.
My Wife loves it and I tolerate it, but I have to admit I would miss not going. I also need the exercise a long walk down the Prom and back provides.
Wherever you are, whatever you are doing remember to have fun,
@onw - Splinterlands
@b8l - https://RisingStarGame
All pictures were taken by myself.
Any mentions of companies or there products are copyright of their respective owners.
PS: If I have used the wrong tags I apologise, I'm still a noob at this blogging lark, any constructive feedback would be appreciated.