While I would never recommend that one dives into a new philosophical value system in the midst of life-altering chaos, the reality is that some people may find this to be the best time to adopt a new modus operandi.
And by "chaos", what I really mean is "being forced by external circumstances to move through life in a new, different, or unfamiliar way that makes you want to wail and curl up into the fetal position on the kitchen floor".
Changes. Big, ugly, scary life changes.
A divorce or break-up, the death of a close loved one, bankruptcy, a grim diagnosis... all examples of circumstances that arise suddenly and force us to climb the mountain of change that stands before us.
If you've already taken on a Stoic mindset, chances are you found Stoicism at a time in your life when the principles were relatively easy to apply. Your life was smooth with maybe a few bumps here and there. You were able to apply Stoic principles one at a time, as it was convenient for you to practice them. The small inconveniences in your life were Stoically surmountable as they passed, one by one.
Now imagine attempting to adopt Stoic principles when you are distraught, tormented, hysterical, or unglued with grief from the sudden onset of one of the aforementioned shitty life changes.
Your chances of success are slim. It's better (and easier!) to stay distraught at this stage in the game than add learning the Stoic Value System as another stressor. Right?
Wrong.
There is no better time or place to start (or continue) learning and applying Stoic principles than wherever you are right now. If that means you are in a place of deep and uncertain flux and change, don't worry. Instead of shaping you to the Stoic system, we can just as easily shape the Stoic system to you. Instead of expecting yourself to jump in with both feet and subsequently drown, perhaps you can ease into the water, one toe at a time, until you can confidently swim.
Let's use some quotes from the ancient Stoic masters to help us apply Stoic principles to our own modern lives and build virtue throughout those scary life changes that make you wonder if you'll ever make it through. These principles are immediately actionable, with practice, and should make you feel good about yourself and your decisions.
(*Please note that "actionable" does not equal "easy". Nothing about practicing Stoicism is inherently easy, nor is change. They are hard. But so are most things in life worth doing.)
Just as so many rivers, so many showers of rain from the clouds, such a number of medicinal springs, do not alter the taste of the sea, indeed, do not so much as soften it, so the pressure of adversity does not affect the mind of a brave man; for the mind of a brave man maintains its balance and throws its own complexion over all that takes place, because it is more powerful than any external circumstances. I do not say that he does not feel them, but he conquers them, and on occasion calmly and tranquilly rises superior to their attacks, holding all misfortunes to be trials of his own firmness. - Seneca, On Providence
“Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all other qualities that allow a person’s nature to fulfill itself?”— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
These are two of my favourite quotes, because they focus on what we can do instead of what we shouldn't. So often, we get caught up in the seemingly simple idea of not letting things upset us, when it's straight up just not that easy when your life is falling apart around you. Even if you pick one of the qualities mentioned by Marcus Aurelius - justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, etc - and do your best to express it, you're still building virtue amongst chaos.
If acting on that one quality for even a whole day sounds difficult, that's okay too. Take it hour by hour, task by task, or minute by minute. Build virtue through your actions and thoughts in whatever sized chunk of time is doable for you right now.
Seneca also makes it clear that it's okay to feel the shittiness of your situation, as long as you move on to conquer it. There's a misconception that Stoicism is about being cold-hearted and stone-faced in the face of even the tiniest hint of adversity, and that's simply not true. It's about finding the virtue and power within ourselves to move through that adversity and not use it as an excuse to give up.
Stoicism is not about pretending it didn't happen. If it didn't happen, you didn't learn from it.
"Cling tooth and nail to the following rule: not to give in to adversity, never to trust prosperity, and always take full note of fortune’s habit of behaving just as she pleases, treating her as if she were actually going to do everything it is in her power to do. Whatever you have been expecting for some time comes as less of a shock." - Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
We spend so much of our time praising our times of "good" luck and ranting about our times of "bad" luck, that we forget that luck isn't predictable, isn't based on merit, and doesn't give a shit what you think.
My favourite part of this quote is "never to trust prosperity", because we always get ourselves so high when things seem to be going our way that even a small misstep will destroy us. It's important to balance your understanding that bad shit is temporary, sure, but good shit is also temporary. And you can't control when your external circumstances might sway the other way. But you can control your own actions and thoughts throughout the good and the bad.
It is so freeing to snap out of anger, anxiety, and annoyance towards someone else, or someone else's kid, or your coworker's crappy attitude, or the traffic jam you're stuck in, when you realize what you are in control of and what you aren't. The best part? It's infinitely scaleable to even the biggest piles of bullshit that fortune throws your way.
Others have been plundered, indiscriminately, set upon, betrayed, beaten up, attacked with poison or with calumny — mention anything you like, it has happened to plenty of people. - Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
How often have we thought, or even proclaimed out loud: "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"
We do this because our egos believe that we are somehow set apart from everyone else. That we are special.
Seneca likes to remind us that what we are going through has happened to plenty of people before us, and will happen to plenty more. We aren't special. But we also aren't alone.
We are so small compared to the rest of the world, and our existence, by default, matters little in it. Pretending we are special and complaining about the problems we've encountered wastes precious time that we could be spending building virtue and just being a good person before we inevitably die. People get fired, divorced, maimed, stolen from, hurt, and belittled all over the world, every single day. You aren't special, and you can get through this.
You can react, but you must also act.
Do whatever you can, even in minuscule chunks, to continue to act with integrity throughout your day.
Disregard luck of any kind as being temporary and understand that fortune is largely out of your control.
Remember that you are in control of your thoughts and actions at all times.
Plenty of people have suffered through similar crap before you, and plenty more will in the future.
You aren't alone, and you can make it through this, if you choose. Be deliberate, and start right now.
Stay frosty,
Amy
