I don't have an excuse for my sudden disappearance on Steemit. There are however a few things that affected my participation. The doctor's where afraid that if I got excited I would have another heart attack so they gave me medication that prevented emotional outburst. The side effects included couch potato syndrome.
That is what I call it. There where more side effects that eventually lead me to not being able to sleep. Suddenly I could not function at all. I stopped taking regular showers and became a very unpleasant person. This lead to my wife and I separating on the second of September 2020.
Having to walk everywhere the fog began to lift and I now realize that in fact I have not been myself for the last two plus years. I have lost 20 plus pounds and can remember from one moment to the next. Yeah it was worse than being a addict in many ways.
I knew there where things I wanted to do, but could not get the motivation or energy to do anything. For instance I knew that I needed to curate for #informationwar and literally could not. I knew I needed to let @Truthforce know there was a problem and could not. I knew that it was wrong, but literally could not care enough to force myself to do what I should have, but did not. I don't think I have forgiven myself all the way for this and may never.
Moving forward
Unfortunately I do not have the time to write everyday or post something of interest everyday. However this experience has changed my perspective as to why people remain asleep even with the horrendous attempts to take people's individual sovereignty away. This is because if the Militia (which is Hebrew and means people) are experiencing even half of the in-ability to care that I have experienced, such behavior becomes comprehensible if not understandable.
I have entered a recovery program as I recognize the symptoms of problems I need to get on top of. My situation sucks, but is also a opportunity.
Until next time