A moral dilemma about becoming vegan or starting to eat meat once again. There is no middle way. Being vegetarian is a lie, it is a hypocritical way of saying that we care about the animals. I also got a small rooster and thinking and thinking what to do with it.

I am a vegetarian for 8 years now and recently, I realized that it is not at all a rational choice! I tried to fool myself by saying that by not eating meat and not supporting the meat industry, I am doing the animals a favor. I care about their suffering and I refuse to be part of this game.

6 years I was a strict vegetarian and then I started eating Fish. Which is another hypocrisy - saying to myself that I would rather eat Fish then Earth Animals, because the fish doesn't have any feelings (there is a nirvana song about this, it must have get stuck into my mind from childhood).

Anyway, the Evrika moment was one day this summer when my Granny that grows animals cut a lovely chicken for our visit as a celebration table. I refused to eat it saying that I don't agree with the suffering of this animal. And my parents cooked me some Salmon Fish. You know, the Salmon Fish that comes from 4000 away! From the polluted seas, that is treated with lots of chemicals to grow. The Salmon Fish that was frozen for months before reaching my table. The Salmon Fish that came in a plastic wrap!

In my mental world, before it would have been consciously accepted to eat the Plastic From Far Away Chemical Fish rather then easting the Love Grown Free Range Chicken from Granny .

So here it started everything - my questions regarding vegetarianism. Now I am subscribed to the Vegan Newsletters and I receive all this messages about "the truth behind out plate". The truth which I didn't want to look at because it felt comfortable to eat cheese.

There is no middle way. If you care about the animals - either vegan. either meat eater! I will quickly compare the two options through my irrational, but loving filter that tries to make peace with myself.

1. is it better to eat Vegan Food that travels 5000 km wrapped in plastic (this expensive quinoua, chia seeds, chlorella) or eat local food (the neighbors animals !)

2. Is it normal to take all this B12 supplements? ( Rather then eating 1 egg!?)

3. Is it better to eat all this Tofu, Soy Products? (mostly the soy is genetically modified also)

4. Is it normal to want to replace the meat taste? So many vegan products try to do it. Veggie burgers, nuts cheese, vegetable milk, etc.

5. Is it better to eat all this prepacked and wrapped and wrapped that stays for months and years on a shell in supermarket or just eat ALIVE FOOD?

We have so much Plastic Food nowadays, Junk Food- vegan, vegetarian, with meat. Too much read to eat food. Isnt it better to just go for the ALIVE one? Not the prefabricated? The best thing that we can do for ourselves is just to eat locally homegrown things - plants or animals.

This dilemma vegan or meat eater should maybe be replaced with the dilemma plastic eater or full of live eater?

We are so priveleged! We are so lucky! Imagine how many people are dying of starvation right NOW as you read this line. Imagine how many refugees are on the road dumpster diving for anything. And we, modern people, behind our small computers in a warm place are thinking what or not to eat when we have all this world of possibilities in front of us. So many people living with less then 2$ a day and we, that we can afford almost anything (or at least the basic food) think about what is right and what is wrong.

For me, we are a sick nation. A over bored nation that instead of going there to give a hand to the others. To lift each other up. To be equal we see only our small bubble and dilemma. Or at least, this is how I feel when I have this Vegan vs MeatEater dilemma.

Well, today, my long promised Rooster arrived Home. He is SO BEAUTIFUL!

My friend, who is a very kind women was finding excuses not to kill it. We both agreed that he is too tiny and he need to get fatter in order for our proper meal. She is also a vegetarian for years! In the end, after trying lots of options for somebody to take care of our beautiful Rooster - somebody that already has chickens, we gave up. Everybody that has already a Rooster doesn't want a second one!

The destiny of this little fellow is DEATH. By me, my beautiful friend or , someone else. This is the consequence of eating eggs. We all love the female chicken or how she is called. But the roosters are useless. Or the majority of it. They end up in soup.

So I had a long chat with my friend in front of our new bird fellow - Paco is his name. We had a tea together looking at him and trying to solve our moral dilemma: to be or not to be a vegetarian - this is the question.

In the end, we decided to go for it! For ourselves! For our connection with the ancestors! For our coherence of eating eggs and sometimes on others people's houses a tiny piece of chicken when we are invited.

We chose Death for Life.

On Wednesday we are gonna do it. Keep on posting. For whoever is interested in fallowing the stories of a newbie assassin...

But for all of you, reading this. I know you are not many that came until here. But still. You, who did it:

COULD YOU KILL AN ANIMAL WITH YOUR OWN HANDS?

I pledge for a normal world! I pledge for the connection with the ancestors. I pledge for actions and consequences. I pledge for seeing with our own eyes where our food is coming from. And I pledge for your forgiveness..