After series of traveling from the past two weeks, I missed couple of session due either was on the road, or too tired to even wake up for the session. However last night, Saturday the 15th, I managed to join the group session with several other steemians like @yangyanje and @rebeccabe. It's probably my third/second time but let's count it as the second week of my involvement here.
For the past two weeks, I did not have the time to sit still and be with myself. Let alone having privacy. I was surrounded by other human beings who seem to always want meddling with my business. It was such a hectic weeks this year. My mind was scattered all over the place and I was driven far from myself and things I suppose to enjoy. In short, being with people who supposedly give me comfort was just an inconvenience.
Yesterday,11 p.m passed and I was still wide awake. It sent a signal that I was back to my regular imperfect routine. So, I brew another cup of coffee and went into waiting state. I decided to think about stuff that I used to practice- especially, minimalism which I suddenly stopped practicing. I sat in my room and observing things I own.I noticed, I was coming with only a backpack and 4 years later, the room is full of stuff.
I have been downsizing a lot last year, so you can imagine, my small room was again very cramped with junks.I don’t think clutter makes me happy. This time, I will be de-cluttering and donating some books I barely read.Not to mention, de-cluttering the papers and receipt I’ve been hoarding for the past 3 months. I always keep my receipt to help me track on my finance. Yet as usual, sometimes it’s very difficult since I haven't found the system that works for me. Nonetheless, I am just going to skip this month's finance tracking and start all over again.
About an hour later, the waiting period was over as my timer starts ringing so loud. Yet, I got carried away with my thoughts and was late into the meditation hall. However, I still managed to catch up on the “grateful” session. It’s one of the session that I thoroughly enjoy. In the end of the meditation session, I asked @bewithbreath about tips and advice on my problem with unfocused mind during meditation.
At a normal day, I find it difficult to spare an hour just to sit and examining my breath. I feel like whenever I do that, I am going to miss out on something. Though I do believe, I don’t miss out on anything. This mindset was partially influenced by my fast-paced life in the past. I lived as if there was no tomorrow and I maximized everything I did. Maybe it’s also the reason as to why, I am unwillingly to sleep at night; I am afraid I will miss out on things.
By the end of the session, I asked about how to tackle on being unfocused and wandering mind, @bewithbreath, advised me that I should do more heavy breathing, not all the time just a little bit more just so I can notice it. That's something that I learned this week. Besides, soft breathing makes me drowsy as well as the meditation always happens at around 1-2 a.m my local time.
Also I find group meditation is much more effective than when I do it alone. It’s also great to hear other experiences after the meditation session is over. If you haven’t joined this meditation, feel free to do so, don't hesitate to reach out to @bewithbreath.
[macchiata]