Hi nomad-magus,
I have met a man… and now I am somehow stuck in my emotions. On the one hand, I really like him and when we are together I feel good about “us”. But whenever I am away I start thinking about what I feel for him and there is one thing that I cannot get out of my head: you see, he is not really much taller than I am and that really bothers me. And then I am always comparing how I feel now for him with how I have felt in a past relationship with another man; it is so different and not as deep as the last time.
But since I really like this man, I want to give this relationship a chance and he really treats me well and already does everything for me… it seems he is a lot more involved in “us” than I am.
What can you tell me about all of this…?
Thank you.
Marina
Marina,
You say that you don’t feel the same as you did for another soul in a past relationship. Do not compare them with each other; neither the feelings nor the persons. Just like you, they are unique individuals and your way of responding to them is as unique as they are. In each one, you have a mirror for your Self and as you have been growing in the time between these relationships, they mirror different aspects of yourself. So if you compare them, it just means you compare the self that you are in this now moment with another “you” from a past moment and I am very sure that this is not what you would want because you know that you have been growing since then!
Then there is something that bothers you about this man… and clearly, you will have to compromise if you want to be in a relationship with him. So ask yourself honestly if you really want that? Do you really truly want to compromise about something that seems to be important for you? Be clear that the physical nature of a partner is as important as any other of the three levels (mental, emotional and spiritual).
If you want the best for yourself (and only like that you can "find realization" and consequently give the best to your partner), then there should be nothing that you don’t feel joy about.
Also, there seems to be some fear on your side, that you might hurt this dear one if you honestly told him about your feelings. But do not be concerned about that; be honest about it, especially to him. Let him know your fears and talk about it with him. If you don’t talk about it now, the barrier against you saying anything will grow. And if in a few weeks from now you decide that you don’t want to be in a relationship with him after all, he will be even more devastated and he will want to know why you didn’t talk about it sooner.
So you see, all of this is a question of your honesty in regard to yourself. Do not try to protect the other from getting hurt. Ultimately you are not responsible for that, but you are responsible for your own well being and when you are well, others around you will be well and happy also.
Good Luck!
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