(Several months ago, Playa del Carmen)
Hi everyone,
I've had a few of you asking how things are going lately with Brian and I, especially because I've been relatively absent here; no post in a few weeks and very little commenting. Unfortunately, the time has come for me to take a real break from here, because Brian just isn't doing well at all.
We went through a long period where he seemed to be holding his own, even though his energy was low, he still woke up feeling good and could accomplish a little something most days. About a week or so ago though, he felt as though he was going to be sick to his stomach, ran to the bathroom, only to have blood come up; not a little bit either. It was intermittent for several days, but today it's bad, plain and simple. He's also had blood in his regular bathroom functions too. Things are not looking good.
We are going to visit my brother and family next week, and my parents are arranging to meet us there as well; it will be nice to see all of them, but I have to admit that I could use a little family support as well. And if I'm being completely honest, it's a chance for Brian to say goodbye to them, and they to him.
The optimist in me is hoping that this is all nothing to worry about, but the realist in me is pretty sure that's not the case. I think it's all finally happening, and to say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. But as usual, we will continue to spend our time together and love each other, and truly drink in every second that we have with each other.
I know some of you will ask about doctors etc, but Brian's plan has always been to go out on his own terms, especially after all the initial traditional treatments (chemo...) and alternative treatments were unsuccessful, and I respect that as well, so no doctors, no hospitals, just pain management and a choice for him when "it's time".
I'm sure if you've read this far, you might be thinking, how do I possibly respond or comment here?
My answer to you is simply, with your heart.
Brian and I have both been brutally honest with all of you along this journey of ours, and it's not over yet. He will continue to fight and love me, and I'll continue to care for him and love him like no other. And I'm asking all of you to continue being supportive, pray, send positive energy or keep doing whatever you think is helpful. On a very practical level, I'd ask if you could resteem this or let people know because I cannot let all of you know individually, and there are so many of you that I'd like to do that for. You have all been such a support system for me during these last several months, and Brian's wish is that you continue to be just that for me, now and when he's gone. We are both eternally grateful for all of it.
It's not over until the fat lady sings, and right now, I'm gagging her so she can't :)
(September 2018)
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