Thirty years ago a decision was made to leave my wife and daughter for fear the violence I learned as a child would be dishes out on the family I had started with them. It's a horrible feeling standing in shoes that aren't yours, looking in a mirror seeing seeing a demon smiling back.
The last thirty years has been wrought with battles of depression, attemps at suicide, homelessness, failed relationships, and so many dark nights full of tears I dare not count. The last few years I left yet another failed relationship but decided to take what love there was there with me in the form of a most awesome step daughter. She has given me the greatest gift, that of hope and daring to love.
I've tried over the years to maintain some sort of relationship with my daughter I left behind and for so long I failed miserably and feared my efforts were hindering more than helping. Still, I held on to hope, I dared to love as my step daughter had been teaching me simply by being there.
Today, having sent a text back home to my daughter I abandoned I get a reply I was not even expecting and it still has not set in the gravity of it's text. Nonetheless. I decided after a long absence from Steemit to blog the text of that message for all to see and save it as a reminder that above all else in this thing we call life, hold on to hope.
You know.. I have forgiven you for leaving but it hasn't always been easy and has alot to do with time and growing up and having a child of my own. Unfortunately it isn't something I can forget either but I am grateful that you allowed me to have a normal life by making the choice you did. I understand it now as a mother in some regards but in others I just dont. I know it could not have been easy for you and wasn't easy for me growing up wondering why I wasn't enough so many times. I wish you nothing but peace and healing though and I really mean that. It just would have been nice to have a dad around too. I know ultimately it was the best thing for my mom and I given the circumstances. You loved me the only way you knew how and I will spend my life knowing that but also struggling with it at times. I just want you to know all of that. It's weird for me that you have a whole world that never involved me, your daughter. Your real daughter. I'm glad that you took Andrea in though as well given the circumstances it sounds like it was best for all of you and though it does hurt a little that you have this whole other world...it is what had to happen for everyone and all we can do now is make the best of a crap situation in all our lives and move on.
Talk about an OMG moment...
Bright new days are always ahead if you hold on to hope.
