Bad Hair Day


Daddy-Bear, you remember that I have that hair appointment today?

The Good Lady stood framed in the doorway of the Attic for all the world looking like a rather elegant ostrich albeit with mad lockdown hair.

I looked up from my laptop. Work was mad right now. Insanely busy, the day before I had been so busy that I didn't have a chance to even go for a shit.

Thankfully my body had somehow managed to reabsorb the big logs I had lined up for a brown river rafting and put them somewhere else. I hadn't needed to go since.

Maybe I was becoming a superhero and that was my big superpower discovery moment?

Well, you have remembered haven't you?

The Good Lady sounded somewhat waspish but not in a sexy desperate housewives way.

Um, there might be a problem with that?

I looked at my laptop which was vibrating from the huge volume of Teams messages that were bombarding it.

The project I am working on, it has gone into overdrive. I thought it couldn't get any worse but it has. I can't spare any time to look after the kids. I think you will have to reschedule it?

I made a sympathy face at her, which was helped by the log-jam brewing somewhere in my down belows.

I beg your pardon? Reschedule it? I have been waiting for my hair to get done for nearly a FUCKING YEAR!?

The Good Lady roared like an old Viking berserker denied his honeyed oats.

To accompany her roar, horrifyingly, she threw herself through the air at me like a demonic plastic bag.

What the FUCK?!?!

I roared in return as she body-slammed me from my office chair with its five safety legs.

We both crashed to the ground in a writhing frenzy of limbs and gnashing teeth. Her claw-like hands scythed at my beautiful face in a womanishly jealous attempt to mar my good looks.

Years of exotic fighting training from the abbey at the foot of the Shantanami mountains kicked in and I flipped her from me and leapt to my feet.

She bounced up and launched a flurry of punches at my face. Twisting, I flashed my arms out and deflected each and every one before an unseen foot of hers lashed out and cracked me square in the nuts.


I bent double and clutched at my beautiful silk purse whilst clenching my buttocks to avoid launching a scud at Saudi Arabia.

The Good Lady pounded her ample chest with meaty man-fists and bellowed a war-cry.


She reached behind her back and pulled out a murderously wicked looking sword, it's blade was black and long and a strange venomous looking ichor dripped from its edge.

I raised myself from the crouch into which I had fallen and lifted a hand beseechingly.

Baby, stop this! You know how important my work is to me?

My words hung in the air.

You know how important my work is to me....

Suddenly we both started laughing at the very idea.

She reached out and grabbed my hand, helping me to my feet.

Your work is soooooo important to you. Hahahahhahah!!!

She laughed and I held on to her, laughing with her at the very idea of my work being important to me.

Ah, you are right, sweet-cheeks.

I wiped the hilarity tears from my eyes.

Fuck work. Go get your hair done, missy!