Before we start, I'd love to just stand up and say that I'm human. I support and love everything that involves humanity and I really don't like to sit there and peg things to a certain gender, or race, or disability, or ethnicity etc etc. I'm one for generalising everything into the traits of humanity. Perhaps that's a good thing. Or bad. Time will tell!
What do men have to say on the whole gender issue? My professional writer network is full to the brim of outspoken females on the issues of their genders. But where are the men? I often troll the interwebs for outspoken male advocates on male gender issues, and there are some, yet not as many as there should be. Most of the women I enjoy being in the company of are highly outspoken about male issues too. My wife being one of them.
So I'm taking this moment here for you guys to stand up and have your say. We men, we're absolute professionals at spotting the cracks in a problem that needs to be fixed, but what about when it comes to our feelings?
What about when we feel vulnerable? Can a man actually feel vulnerable? I mean we're resoundingly known for our stoicness and victorianesque stiff-upper lip. How could we ever be vulnerable at any points in our life, ever? Well, it's about that sort of attitude I'd like to talk to all of you today.
Did I ever mention that I tried to commit suicide? Not only once, mind you. And I hate to harp on about it but it was because of that very thing, not being able to properly and appropriately express my feelings that I went off the deep end. I'd try, but they would come out at the wrong time and to the wrong sort of people that would use this information to their advantage rather than empower me.
It was tough during my childhood. I was raised in the important years by a father that saw raw emotion as a weakness, rather than a powerful tool in my arsenal. I ended up being a robot, listening to everyone else's crap rather than deciphering what my feelings were doing. And it nearly broke me.
I wanted to cry uncontrollably until my tear ducts had dried out. I wanted to pick a brick up and throw it through my window in an epic fit of rage. I wanted to hug my male friends because I was happy for them and I certainly wanted to hug and kiss a woman because I was completely vulnerable to her.
But feelings.. y'know, they're for poofs! My Dad would say. Even as we reconnected when I was older.
"Don't moan and bitch, babies and women do that."
I'm damn sure I'm not the only man in the world that's felt vulnerable because he wasn't able to express his feelings properly. Look at it in the middle of town, if a man breaks down in a fit of tears on the pavement, who rushes to give him a hug? What about if it was a woman?
Now I'm not trying to play genders off against each other but we really have to stop and think about what sort of effect our actions have on society. It's part of why I try and speak openly about positivity, and masculinity and a whole load of other things.
I wrote an article on a well known pro-male publication a few months ago stating that, "Women grope and catcall too!" my article was largely centred around the fact that being an attractive and well toned male in my youth (I'm not now! Hah) made me a target for women groping me and outright asking me for sex, thinking I was gay if I declined. (hey, we have standards too!)
But the amount of males that actually stood up and said their piece in the comments section was amazing. It was empowering, it was lovely to see! And it supported my idea that we need to start treating issues as 'Humans' and not as a asexual, African American Christian woman that is middle class and lives in an area well below her wage bracket. I'm done with fucking labels. They divide us from our naturality.
So I challenge you men. Stand up, tell us how you feel today? Are you well? Sad? Happy? Angry? Let those emotions burn deep and punch those keys hard into the keyboard if you must.
I want to hear from you
Be well,