I honestly didn't want to put this out there on the internet. It's not normally how I act when something terrible like this happens. I do know that I need to talk about it though and I think it's a good idea for me to do. I need to get it out. I also don't want anyone else to let something go when they shouldn't, to think that something may all just be a show for attention. It honestly may have been, i'm not going to toss that idea off to the side, but it happened, she actually killed herself.
If you know someone who has tried to do this before and it seems all they can do is "cry wolf", just know that one day, they may actually be serious. Get those people help before it's too late. Don't sympathize in their want to do it, help them realize what they will be missing when they are gone. She not only left me here a widow at 31, but she left a son that loves her more than words can describe. I know that she is fine where she is now, she is at peace. But look around. Look at all the people who are hurting more than anyone can put into words.
I don't care if the only thing you do is just go see them, and be there for them, they NEED that, they need you. They need someone who is not going to let them feel alone. I wish i'd been the person to realize that this was not just another game she was playing, this time it was serious. My soul hurts, her families soul hurts and she is gone.
I don't know what else to say here, but I know that I had to write some of my feelings, I had to write to get them out. I am hurting more than words can tell you and I just don't want this to happen to anyone else. I'm all over the place with this, but that's just what's happening right now, I have few words to truly express my pain right now.