You don't need to explain or define yourself.

I've been thinking a lot about over-explaining, something most of us are guilty of in this day and age. Somehow, we've been convinced that we need to justify our decisions and choices to the world. Perhaps that's the immediate circle around us, perhaps it's strangers on the Internet, or perhaps the whole world. And I keep wondering...well, where did we get that idea?

We're constantly explaining our words and actions, for fear someone else will label and judge us based on these actions. Personally, I think it's a by-product of this whole cancel culture fiasco spreading like a cancer through our society.

Let me give you an example.

If I criticize Black Lives Matter, I'll get this impulse to clarify that in spite of what I said, I'm not a racist. If I defend Donald Trump, in the next breath, I'll tell you oh, I'm not one of those.... And so on, and so forth. Most recently, I'm seeing this in the whole pandemic setting - with people feeling they have to explain why they're not vaccinating, or why they are, or why they choose to do whatever they find necessary for themselves. And I keep asking myself - why? And who am I justifying myself to? I don't want this to be a Covid thing, so I won't focus on that, largely because I think that's just an instance of a much bigger issue.

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We live in an age of vicious self-censoring.

Most people will keep their opinion to themselves, even now, in this free, prosperous era. Why? They're afraid of being outed, of getting "cancelled" by people who are too impatient or too stupid to listen, or to understand that human beings are not one-dimensional. Sure, it's much easier to hide behind labels (racist, homophobe, toxic male, anti-vaxxer, etc.). But tell you a secret, those are just words, and one word has rarely been enough to describe and hold the entirety of a human being.

So we'll keep our thoughts to ourselves, or we'll lie, but where does that get us? Not far, I can tell you that. You can't build a relationship (of any sort) on lies, and then, by the time your real thoughts surface, you'll seem more confusing and perhaps weird to the other person. So why censor yourself? For fear of what someone else might mistakenly think about you?

I think it's all in phrasing, really. If you go off on a rant about why blacks are inferior humans, then yes, people are probably gonna label you as racist (and perhaps rightly so). If you express outrage at the BLM rioting last year, or point out that maybe abolishing the police force isn't really a solution, then maybe people will listen. Intelligent people will, at least. Some, unfortunately, are and always have been quick to judge. It's self-validating, and sometimes, it just feels good. So sure, somebody will call you racist on those issues no matter how intelligently or politely you express your opinion. But that's their fault.

It shows a lack of cognitive function on their part, not yours, and also suggests a deeply-rooted instability. So don't take it personally, and definitely don't hide or lie about who you are, for fear of what people like that might say.

So I've stopped apologizing.

It's a personal battle, of sorts. Whenever I identify in myself the urge to apologize or clarify my statements needlessly, I fight it. After all, I know myself, and so should you. I know my own intelligence, and I also know which subjects I understand, and which ones I'm shaky on (and I usually try to steer clear of those, as more people should). I also know my values, which is a word we don't use all that much anymore, and maybe we should.

See, I know I'm not racist, sexist, or whatever other epithet anyone might like to pin on me. So why defend myself?

I've also started filtering out answers, as well, both in the online medium, and in real life. Mostly, the people around me know I'm clever, and so know better than to underestimate my intellect. If they will argue against what I said, they won't be quick to label, but rather will take time to think up a smart and logical counter-argument. And if they don't, well...

As part of my fight against over-explaining, I'm learning how to recognize generic counter-arguments, the sort that aren't really thought through, but merely parroted, from the ones that actually pose a valid question, or point. So I respond to the ones I find clever, since I actually enjoy conversation a great deal.

When did dialogue become taboo, anyway?

I also steer clear of labels.

Someone asked me today if I had to pinpoint my political orientation, what would it be? I said I don't know, and that I don't really do labels, and they left it at that. See, I don't want to say republican, because I think a lot of republicans are assholes, and that the Republican Party itself has done a lot of bad shit. Same goes for the Democrats. I don't want to say I'm conservative, because I think conservative people have been responsible for a lot of evil. As have liberals. So why should I label myself?

I don't want to be pro something, as that automatically makes me against something else. And maybe I'm not. I'm my own person, and have my own sometimes conflicting opinions.

See, I think a lot of people secretly fall in-between. So maybe you should actually listen to what they have to say, before you make a judgement call.

That's not to say there aren't a lot of idiots out there. There are. And you shouldn't waste your time arguing with them. There are also a lot of people who haven't two brain cells to rub together, so they will steal a lot of ready-made opinions (particularly political) from other people. So learn to see them for what they are, and not to waste time with them, either, because that shit is precious.

Here's an idea. Next time someone calls you a bad word, don't respond. First, ask yourself "am I [insert ready-made label of choice]?". If the answer is yes, then keep your mouth shut, and try to figure out why you're this way, and how you could change it, maybe (since most labels, at their core, represent bad things). And if it's no, then why are you arguing? You know better, and as for this other person, they just proved to you they don't value their own synapses, so why should you?

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