My bedside manner sucks. But so do you.

I'm not really good at comforting people. It's alright, I'm not worried about it, as that would involve active effort on my part, and I'm just not going to bother. Instead, I'm sticking with "some people just have shitty bedside manner".
I've accepted it. Whatcha gonna do?

See, I'm the sort of person who doesn't go in for all the caring, looking after someone spiel. Some people do. Some even get off on it. Me, I can't do it. If someone around me is sick, I say sorry, give them a pat, and then sort of move away until they feel better. My approach to illness is generally "oh, just feel better already, so I can go back to being nice to you".

I'm good at talking with them. If you've got some sort of life or relationship issue that is suitably vague, though also essential, I really am your guy. (well..)
But if it's anything more hands-on than that, I'm afraid that's where my interest fades.

Who knows, maybe it's just a natural response to negative energy. I mean I can be caring if it's a one-off. For instance, if my friend tells me she fell and broke her arm, I'm going to check in, and try to be of use, and commiserate. If, however, I notice a tendency towards drama, I go the other way.

Some people get a taste for complaining, and I don't really like complaining types. Either do something about it or shut up. My ex was like this. Always something wrong with him, either health-wise, or emotion-wise. To me, this is a sign of weakness, and I don't like weakness. Now, I know that's not entirely very nice and am trying to figure out why that is, but I just can't handle it.

If you've got one problem once, then I can be there for you, but if every week, there's something, I can't tolerate that for very long. Now, this is true about most people, we all have a limit in dealing with other people's bullshit, but for some, it's lower than for others. Personally, I reach that limit very quickly.

Yet, like any good narcissist, I tend to think it's the world's fault, rather than mine. See, I think we live in an age of over-complaining. My generation, at least, has been brought up to be weak, and I think older generations have also become weak by being exposed to this general mood.

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Weak people complain. Strong people look for solutions. And I'm sorry, but more often than not, we want to feel important, so we allow our problems to continue. I'm also the sort of person who doesn't like disorganized people, people who might be wasting time (mine or theirs, though especially mine). I like to have things laid out, as that maximizes efficiency. I also like to have a concrete idea about where I am going, and what I am doing. Many people don't though, they allow others to make plans for them, or to dictate the way their life goes.

To me, that's the weakest, most pathetic form of living. I do believe that if you don't make a plan, someone else will make one for you. I also think that if you didn't make a plan, you deserve whichever one you get, and have no right to complain about it.

So sure, you can complain that your friends aren't being supportive. Or you can stop fucking complaining. It's your choice. I've noticed this tendency in most personal relationships (of any nature) to lay your bullshit and all your drama on people. And while it's fine to say that the person not being "supportive" is dickish, it's apparently never taken into account that maybe it's bad manners to lay out your problems on people in the first place.

Yes, I know that's what we build social circles for, in the first place. But I think that nowadays, we're overly quick to complain, and tend to aggrandize minor problems. It's also not smart for you, because the more you get used to complaining or "venting" or ranting, or whatever it is the kids are calling it, the less well-adjusted you are, I feel. Solutions don't come from without largely because no one's in charge of fixing your life for you. And people want people around them to feel nice, not to be weighed down by their shit.

So maybe it's not me who's got a bad bedside manner. Maybe it's just time for you to get outta fucking bed.

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