I saw two dogs running freely at a junction today. I wonder if they are happy that way. Nobody restricts whatever they want to do, or wherever they want to go.
I wanted that freedom. Freedom to decide whatever it is I want to do for my life and the future of my daughter. I have been getting that freedom since I separately living from my husband. I would like to keep this kind of peaceful life but I am not sure whether he can or be able to allow me to do so. I manage to see him yesterday and told him a part of my plan. I do hope he understands that he is no longer the boss of me.
I once thought that he will make me happy but I come to realize that he only become my limitation. Respect, obedience, and gentleness are all those things that I cannot give to him as of now. I have given everything and gone as low as my proud self can go for him but he never did appreciate me well. It is not that I did not give him a chance but he had ruined all the chances for more than I can give.
I want him to know that I am not that easy to forgive him every time. I am indeed happier this way and I do not want to lose that happiness.
I have been having a difficult time deciding whether I want to have a legal separation or just let it be as it is now, but then, something happened that gave me the strength to get it done properly. I want to have a good life and I seem to believe that he is the one causing all the delays in my life. I am not yet 100 percent sure whether this is the best option for my daughter but who can be sure? right?
She still looking for her daddy and I did let them meet. The one I'm ending is the one regarding me, perhaps this is the best for me and hopefully will be the best for her. I will let her decide on her own in the future.
I found out that I have more time for her than it was before. Until next time.