Life is weird when you're connecting, life is weird when you're teaching without condition, life is weird when you're growing together, I grow 🪴 faster this one year than all the years I did before, this one year I have one goal in mind to grow selfishly even if it will hurt others by leaving them so I can grow. Surprisingly I didn't hurt anyone I just made them miss me instead they are happy for me which is good they think I am happy but I know that happiness is not possible for me I embrace that fact long time ago but only recently I accepted 100%
Weird is it because I'm older? Am I wiser? Why I don't feel that way? I see so many talented people around me who are better than me almost in every way but still they respect me as a leader? Doesn't make sense or maybe I overthink as usual like everyone said I do.
It's quite new to me to have friends who actually observe me as I observe them I observe others so I can push them to improve as much as they could I see potential in people but I don't see my own that's why I started to observe myself more these days and treat myself as I see others to see my flaws what I can fix what bad habits I have within me. Do I think good about others? Do I keep grudges? Am I violent as I used to? So many questions and I conclude that I am in the middle I'm neither bad or good I'm in the middle I am good when people are good I'm a beast when people are disrespectful
Funny thing is being a monster when you need to gain respect of others because being a monster is to protect people who do not have a voice but the problem of protecting people who do not have a voice make me lose potential gain with other bigger monsters. I notice that the bigger monsters do not wish to attack me because they know my monster will fight back they rather be civilized with me and just stay away instead no one wins or lose there is no fight to fight.
I have no choice if I stay I won't grow 🪴 if I leave the unknown will force me to grow and build a better network build a better life etc. I can stay but if I stay I will be stagnant no growth 💹 we need to keep moving no movement no growth. Sigh my head is heavy 🪨 that's a sign for me to rest and overthink again after I'm well rested that's what overthinkers does. Reminder to self trust in others takes courage sometimes it blooms into a flower 🌹 other times turns into hell suffering and pain just be ready for both.
Have a good night everyone if you read this congrats you just read my random thoughts and self talk hope you enjoy it.