i feel you brother.
I do have to take ALL the responsibility though. It's not 50/50, it's all down to me (sorry).
There's a Ho'opo'pono story about this. Maybe i will find it.
i wrote a post not long ago which explains this somewhat.
@atma.love/why-does-bad-stuff-happen
Be sure to read my reply to artgirl's comment too.
.
"Humme Hum
Tumme Tum
Wahe Guru
I am mine
In thine
Wahe Guru"
Meaning - Recognise that the other person is you.
Hope this helps
Sat Nam
Atma