*** WARNING: This post contains themes that may be distressing. ***
I watched this video today
and it left me seriously thinking about labels and having any diagnosis.
I am not one for labels. When it came to working out where I fit along the whole LGBT+ I had to ask a friend. Why? Because it then gave me an opportunity to research. I like to research and I like to understand. So when years ago I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) I was angry (irony I know). I certainly didn’t see myself as “girl, interrupted”.
The above video however made far more sense to me and left me once again wondering how I felt with this diagnosis and “label”. I particularly loathe anyone especially myself at using a diagnosis as an excuse. Let me clarify on this.
I had a friend who recently got an ASD diagnosis and after that everything she couldn’t do first shot was “must be because of my autism”. That irked me beyond belief. This is not to say however if a friend had a leg amputated and said they couldn’t run anymore I would be as annoyed. I would probably be that annoying friend pointing out there are options.
So why am I so incredibly harsh on myself for my own diagnosis? Why do I keep holding myself to a higher standard?
At least now I understand why I tend to hulk rage to get things done despite how that leaves me later. I have a shocking habit of pushing myself and deciding that’s future me’s issue.
So I will keep researching and keep trying to expand my understanding because that’s how my brain works and hopefully I’ll start cutting myself some slack soon.