My friends and I as a group had a few petty quarrels. Every group of guys does over stupid shit that may have never really been anything worth getting worked up over. To quell any future dire situations, I on my first day of senior year in high school drafted the first Brostitution. The full guide with as many articles and sections as the original document that founded this great country. It even has a preamble and closing statement. Without further ado, enjoy.
We the Bros of Kinnelon High School, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish insurance on girls, booze, and the general welfare of the bros and do ordain and establish this Brostitution for the Boiz of Kinnelon High School.
Article I
Section 1: All powers invested in the boiz come from no other than the boiz and shall consist of whichever bros are present for the decision making process in person or on Groupme.
Section 2: For major decisions for the group to completely attend, a majority of 7/10 boiz is needed to pass legislation. Legislation of this magnitude consists of daytrips to places exceeding the one hour ride limit and outings requiring more than $30 in cash.
Section 3: The center of operations and extreme decision making and emergency response for the Boiz is the dead end inside the Estates leading to West Shore Drive
Section 4: The center for unlimited chilling and illicit activity is the Cave in smokerise
Section 5: If a bro is accused by a fellow bro of cock blocking or stepping in on another bros advances on a girl, it will be reviewed by the entirety of the Boiz and will be decided on. Punishment will be decided upon at this ruling.
Section 6: Punishment for cock blocking will be one form or another of public embarrassment. It will be required to be in front of at least 10 people or be deemed equally embarrassing.
Section 7: If a bro is in public and sees a girl they can realistically pickup (be honest, a bro in presence can also be honest but lying to get the girl will be reviewed and punished) the bro who saw her first or has the balls to talk to the girl has dibs on the attempt.
Section 8: When a bro is attempting to pick up a girl, the bro or bros in presence are obligated to make that bro look much better than they are to cause the target to focus only on that bro. The bro picking up the girl is now the most athletic and smartest bro in the group at present.
Section 9: Anything made up by a bro picking up a girl is to be backed up by the other bros present. All of their max benches increased 10 Lbs and they are the coolest guy you know.
Section 10: Failing to abide by this bro code will be met with a form of public or equal punishment depending on the severity of the infraction. Accidental cock blocks or accidental failure to provide support for a bro will be reviewed and typically will just tell the current failure of a bro to get their shit together.
Article II
Section 1: In times of crisis, the bro who is most sober and capable at the time of fuck up or emergency is bestowed with the executive power to make decisions for the entire group.
Section 2: If more than one bro is sober or in a decision making state of mind, the capable bros combine forces and make the smartest decision for the greater good of the Boiz.
Section 3: In the case of a pass out or an overdose or bad batch of drugs, any bro aware of the situation is obligated to call the police. It is not up for debate, a law protects every person at the party who is drunk or high on crack. Look out for the greater good of the Boiz.
Section 4: If a fight breaks out, no matter a nearby bros state of mind or level of coordination, they must back up the bro in a fight and provide support. Most people are faggots when it comes to fighting and bring their own squad to gang up anyway. Strength in numbers bruh.
Article III
Section 1: If the police raid a party (let’s hope this shit never happens) it is your duty as a sober bro or mostly conscious bro to at least attempt to get the more drunk boiz out of the danger zone.
Section 2: Booze is allowed to be sold to each other within the Boiz but keep the prices within reason. Some liquor stores charge more than what it’s listed for online, take this into consideration.
Section 3: In the case of a parental raid of a party that is the host’s parents or a neighbor stumbling upon the gathering. There is a no bro left behind policy and it is every sober and coherent bros duty to get the tanked boiz the fuck outa that situation.
Article IV
Section 1: No bro shall lie about getting with a girl or having sex. Be truthful about your adventures and shit and we can all bro out with confidence in each other.
Section 2: If a girl spreads negative rumors about a bro, you obviously tell people they aren’t true and take other precautionary steps to quell the spread and disprove it. Preferably don’t spread shit about the girl who originally said shit so it ends quickly and without rebounds.
Section 3: In all situations of importance you take a bros side unless it’s their parents it which case it is up the present bro or bros on whether to remain passive or active.
Section 4: If a bro is accused of something negative even if they did it, unless photo evidence or some other form of solid proof is provided, you always deny it happened. The only exceptions are if you are to be suspended or expelled. If need be you take the fucking detention like a fucking champ if you have to. No bro left behind.
Article V
If a bro is planning on seriously pursuing a girl in a relationship way, support is to be provided. This stated, the bros are allowed to express their true opinions on the interest so there are no undisclosed issues between a bro and another bros girlfriend. It’s in everybody's best interest that any girlfriends (ex. Fiona is a good one shes a chiller) get along with at least most of the bros. If not and the bro pursuing still really wants this girl, we deal with it and act nice for the bro.
Article VI
If a bro goes into financial disarray or debt, consult the other bros. We’re all pretty smart dudes we can figure this shit out. If need be in super dire situations (i’m talking like dealing with gangster debt) we bail out a fellow bro for money and document the exact amount he owes to each bro who contributed. This power of bailing out is probably never gonna be used cuz it’s a sketchy process to begin with. I thought it best we just cover our bases.
Article VII
In the case of homework, the supply of homework support and cheating amongst bros should try to be kept at a minimum but if you need shit bad, just ask. Some of us had older siblings and took advanced classes so we have some wealth to spread around. Don’t be too stingy with work but don’t ask for too much either.
Done in convention by the unanimous consent of the Boiz present on the 8th of September in the year of our dearly departed Harambe two thousand and sixteen and of the Independence of the bros of this great country 10 in whereof we have inscribed our names. Dicks out now, dicks out forever.
Add a birthday drink section to one of the Articles. The boiz must decide on which drink. This will consist of the birthday guy taking a knee and chugging the drink of the groups choice, it will be the same for everybody and they have to down it in one go. This will be before school starts or on whatever day their birthday lands on. Summer birthdays will have the choice to do it on the last day of school or during the summer.
This document is not finished quite yet but will be revised by the bros who intend to sign it and allow it to govern their high school endeavors. It is by no means to be taken seriously and all drug and alcohol references are all in good fun and hold no true value or truth to them. This document was created to mess around and have a good time.