The first day of University

Monday 3oth of October 2017, my first day at the Anton de Kom university of Suriname. The butterflies just couldn’t stop flickering in my stomach. As I walked to the classroom through the paths where every step brought up a new question a mixed feeling of anxiety, fear, excitement so much that those emotions became so overwhelming. So lost , I didn’t even realize that I went to another classroom. Sitting in a corner so afraid to ask if I’m in the right class. The early morning silence on the outside and the battle in the inside fighting through the emotions to gather some strength to ask and someone replayed and showed me where I should go. For some weird reason I could feel the stares tearing through my back straight to my soul. Embarrassed , full of doubts I sunk further in my thoughts. And again I had to prepare myself to introduce myself to my class. All the emotions and the questions again rising like waves in the sea. This time preparing myself before entering the classroom just to be able to gather that much of strength to be able to ask if I’m in the right class. And it was time for me to enter the battle field called the class room. With all the courage I gathered I asked a girl who was sitting in a small group at the front of the class, if this is the mathematics class of the economics department and she replayed very sweetly that I was in the right class. In that moment I felt as if a huge rock just rolled of my shoulders. At that moment I could hear my sister’s voice in my head telling go ahead and make some new friends. So with a lot of hesitation and self- doubts I went ahead continuing to gather strength I moved forward and introduced myself to that group of students whom I noticed first when I entered the class. So I started a conversation by asking what they had done in a month time as I started the semester a month later. So they began telling me about everything I had missed and they told me whom I had to contact in order to buy my books and everything. Nothing more to ask, so to avoid that long awkward pause and staring I thanked them and said that I’m going to take a seat. So I went two rows behind them, I put my bag and I started to look around in the classroom. I noticed two girls in the back of the classroom and it occurred to me that I know one of the girls from somewhere but I didn’t know her name nor from where I knew here.so I walked towards them and greeted with some uncertainty. I went on and introduced myself to them and she began the conversation by telling me I know you from high school “lyco 1” and then I remembered that we used to talk very often about everything, but never finding it necessary to ask each other names so we started to talk and at that moment I felt like a kid who got lost, returned home. She asked me if I wanted sit with them, so I instantly agreed and we went ahead and I shifted my seat with them. so we started to talk, until the class started we attended our math class. After class I immediatly went home. very excited to tell everyone about my little adventure on my first day at the univeristy. the second day very excited to go to campus, because I found some new friends. That day I was very early at the university so I went and sat where the group sat. my friends were sitting outside the classroom, but every time I gathered the courage to go outside and join them, double the times there were thoughts and questions that would crumble it in a thousand pieces. And finally it was time for class so they came inside and asked me if I just reached class so I told them that I was very early today. They asked me why didn’t I joined them. At that moment I lied to them telling that I didn’t know they were already at campus just because I didn’t want them want to see that part of me who doubts herself so much.