I always have a lot of words bottling inside of me. They often find holes to transform themselves into poetry, stories, or any written piece. However, once they free themselves, I never had anyone take a closer look at it.
Hopefully, I find it here.
Hello, friend. My name is Eu, and this is me.
Well, specifically, that was me last year.
When my brother, @glecerioberto, introduced Hive to me, I was exhilarated. Most of the time, there were no other platforms I could share my write-ups aside from my social media accounts, which the reception feels underwhelming, so this was a favorable circumstance for me to redirect my writing (audience-wise).
Writing is something that has allowed me to get through. I never tried blogging before, but I have always written for myself since I was a young boy. I reckoned I wanted to grow up as a writer, but I've never really believed of it as something I could really pursue. Eventually, I thought of it as a friend who will always be there for me in my high and low points.
I have this kind of relationship with words and stories. They reside in my thoughts all the time – while waiting in line, eating, or even before going to sleep. I don’t know. Maybe, I just overthink. I bet you do, too.
This practically means I have a lot of things ready to say in Hive, right? Wrong. I surprised myself when I couldn't even write an introductory post myself. I was afraid I would write poorly, and that I won't live up to your expectations.
It took me almost a year to think of how I would introduce myself to this community. Well, this account has been active since October of last year. The months of thinking about who I really am revealed to be quite a puzzle, mixed with a pinch of perfection paralysis.
But it took a phase of "receiving too many lemons from the life I couldn't seem to find time in turning them into lemonade" to come back to this endeavor. With some slight push from my brother, I decided it is high time for me to go back to writing, find myself in it once more, and show it to you.
So this is me, now – exactly at the moment of writing.
Still in my work coat, unthreaded brows, and obviously, a messy hair that needs an immediate haircut, I find myself completely different from who I am a few months back. I've been broke, hungry, anxious, and completely self-conscious about taking charge of my future. But fret not, though I tease myself with words of insecurities, that is the face of happiness. I'm been enjoying my time finding the entrepreneur side of myself, fulfilling my passion in my teaching duties, and being at peace with Lorde's 3rd Studio Album, Solar Power.
I was born in July, which makes me a Cancer baby. Though I don't fully believe in Astrology, my friends do identify me exactly like a Cancer baby. I'm emotional, sensitive, and caring. I'm also an INFP. Though it is a double-edged sword. I am easily attached and mope around very silly little things. In general, however, I find this trait of mine something I wouldn't trade for some other personality since it has sourced me a lot of thoughts.
I'm 24, and I'm in love with this stage of life. I both loathe and enjoy the crossroads of the early 20s, the philosophical ruminations, and many downs of young adulthood that are good sources of writing themes. The late evenings and midnights are my two best friends. I love the streets around these times since I get to reflect on my taxi rides as somewhat metaphorical in how I venture into my own life.
I'm a big music fan, but some of my favorites are My Bloody Valentine, Lorde, Phoebe Bridgers, Frank Ocean, Daniel Caesar, and Clairo. I adore shoegaze, alternative hip-hop and r&b, and bedroom pop. These people have been with me in all aspects of my life, and I have categorized them as one of my saviors and my guardians during times of crisis.
Believe it or not, I am a teacher.
See that ruffled look, messy tie, and uncombed hair? That happens to be a five-foot-three high school teacher for students who are 4-inch taller and three years younger than him. But see that smile? Such a joyous smile.
Teaching is my ikigai.
I love it, I am good at it, the world needs it, and I'm surely paid for it. It is this field that allows me to find my passion, mission, vocation, and profession. I've been teaching for almost four years now, and every year has always been different.
I am teaching physics, mathematics, and research - all super systematic and scientific. But I do love to find the art in these subjects and show to the students how these concepts are full of stories worth hearing.
I tend to infuse my lessons with video games, pop culture references, and a lot of vignette incorporation. It's a hard and time-consuming field of work, but it's something that gives me joy.
Aside from teaching, I'm an active volunteer.
This is me in college. I spend a lot of time achieving the targets of Sustainable Development Goals #4: Quality Education, which I guess makes me an education advocate. I do believe that there are kids out there who have so much potential but are overwhelmed with the gaps to access quality education.
The volunteer life isn't easy. If there’s one thing I learned from my volunteer experience, it is the insight that true love for community service is not about glorifying one’s self. It is silent but internally loud. It is committed, but not over-attached. It is being an advocate for something without telling to everyone who meets your way. It is sharing a collective story to inspire, not to brag. It is a willingness to remove credentials in a resume, becoming naked to reveal the genuine beat of your heart. It is not self-fulfilling, but a sacrifice. It is bigger than you, or me, or distinctly anyone.
And I think that is really beautiful.
This year, I was able to also explore the field of entrepreneurship. This is actually a humbling endeavor. I learned that one has to take charge of his future to be able to achieve financial freedom. Entrepreneurs are masters of their own time, emotions, and decisions. I've been introduced to the likes of Robert Kiyosaki, Warren Buffett, and Simon Sinek which are now my good literary friends.
I am a product of who I write as I age. Writing has been a part of me since I could recall. I have records of notebooks filled with short stories and journal entries traced back since grade school that reflect how my soul felt at certain moments of those times. Since then, I've felt closer to myself, as most of you writers do. Now I am entering the threshold of adulthood, I believe there's more of me I haven't seen yet.
I'd like to take this platform as means to express my life in a creative process and share it with the world. I could write about my experiences as a teacher, volunteer, and entrepreneur, and my different self in these three different shoes.
I am also excited to write about my interests, my ruminations, my travels, and poems, and my reviews. I have a lot of things to share, and I hope you all will be able to love it.
I guess that's it for now. But before I end, I'd like to share something.
Tonight, as I finish writing this introduction post, I entered deep thinking. No, it’s different from over-thinking, something that is too familiar that I wish I could outgrow. This deep thinking is transcendent. My emotions combine like colors of crayons randomly mixing in a white piece of paper.
I am accompanied by a playlist of indie songs, which brings me back to my college self. I remember I used to be a hypnotic receptacle of adolescent thoughts. The nostalgia that the music brings makes me daze, both words, and pictures spinning in my head in a supercut. There’s nothing concrete I could think of, just a constant tug-of-war between self-awareness and regrets.
Sometimes nights like this happen. I struggle at how tiresome pulling myself together is, trying not to be defined by others but by my own thoughts. But I’m lost in thought, floating around melodies of a Bleachers song, so how do I even define myself with it?
I wonder if this only happens to me. I’m sure it isn’t, as Pablo Neruda articulately portrayed. We are many, aren’t we? This is what I love about living life like this; I get to value its beauty even with the heaviness. I remember I used to call this “living”.
My 18-year old self craves for it. It’s nice to meet it once again. Tell me, do you feel it too?
I bet you do. Because you're here. I see myself in you.
See you around!