Reality Speaking

Since I am new here. Let me introduce first myself to everyone!
Hi! I'm Lorelie, my friends used to call me, "Lie" but I hate lies.(haha) and my husband called me "Mimi", that is also what I want my baby to call me. I'm turning 30 this coming October 18. Yey! I am almost out of the calendar.(haha) But its okay, as long as I'm alive, healthy and happy, age is just a number anyway.

• I am a mother
  ~ a frustrated one.(haha). I've always wanted to be a mom, with babies/kids. I know having another responsibility is hard. But I want it. So, when my first baby died last year. I had post partum depression. I always cry and cry and no one can understand it. My husband that time was very supportive. He always make sure that I'm with someone to look over me. He talked to me and makes me laugh and I miss it! Am I still a mother without a child? I overthink about it and my answer was YES! Being a mother is not about having a lot of kids. It's about how you loved & care for them. Well, moving on, I'm currently 8 months pregnant and was scheduled for cesarian delivery on Nov 21st.This time I make sure that Baby is okay and fine. That's all I want.

-I am a daughter I'm 2nd to the eldest. They call me "The black sheep of the family", some may get angry about this. But for me, it's 100% okay, because it means only Im the unique one. I am special because Im different. Remember, "Black is Beauty". (Haha) I am not the typically daughter who provide money/financial assistance to my parents or with my siblings. Because I dont have enough for myself. Some of them, understand it. But some didn't. For them, everything is about money, you can't eat without it, you can't go out without it. YES! It's true. But not everything for me is about money. Emotional Support is also a big impact to each lives.I maybe not the rich daughter, But atleast I can go to you and talk issues and try my best to help. - I am a friend I'm the craziest and weirdest among the group. I talk to much. I am very active and very showy. I sometimes hurt their feelings without my intentions. I don't easily say "Sorry" to them but I always showed how I care for them. Now, we are too far from each other but I make sure that we still have connections. - I am a public servant I worked in Local Government Unit (LGU) in Metro Manila for 5 years. Yes! I'm a government employee who earned a small amount. My position was still a casual, it is because I didn't passed the civil service exam for how many times. I am poor in english. (haha)So, as Casual, we don't have contracts and "no work, no pay policy". If there's a typhoon or special holiday, we don't have a choice but it will be deducted in our salary. I sometimes earned 500+php in the first monthly cutoff, because of the deduction and my absences due to high risk pregnancy. How can I survived with 500pesos until the next cutoff? That's a big challenge! My prenatal medicine cost 960php per month. How about the check up, laboratories and etc! Sad to say! Sometimes I feel like I am a beggar who asked for money just to survive, even though Im working! It makes me feel depressed and super emotional, my husband isnt there to support me. He leave me without a valid reason.That's why now, I'm trying to earn money on my own (currently on bed rest until my delivery as per my OB Gyne). I act as a frontliner and job referral personnel in our office, we offer job to those applicants who needs it. We refer them according to the qualification needed by the private company and coached them to have a higher chance of placement for them. Sometimes, clients/applicants whispered to me "Thank you Ms Lie.", a simple thank you gave me a reason to stay in the company and do nothing but work. Even I earned lower money than I need. If only, I overused my position in my current job, I can say I dont have any issue with money right now. But its not my personality. Not all Government Employee are after with the big money. No one can buy my reputation. I can accept money if its from a salary. But not with the individual or corporate people. If I served them well,simple thank you is enough or even just a smile! hahaha - I am God servant I don't go to church every Sunday. I don't usually pray at night or morning. I'm not as religious like the others. But I still believed that I am here to serve what God wants me to do. For me, being a God servant is not about how many prayers I've known, how manytimes I go to church and how many verses I know from the bible. For me, its how you educate people in the will of God, how you help others even you don't have enough, how you want them to feel that God is always there. Do what is right.

To summarized things, Im just a typical person who wants to have a home with a perfect family, perfect work, good health and more. But reality speaking, theres no perfect life. Sometimes, negative things happened. But always think that it happened for a good reason. Just have faith in Him and with yourself. Let's turned all negatives to positive. Some may think that "Its easy to say but its hard to do". YES! Its hard, but its the right thing to do. Be positive, pray, solve the issue/problems and everything will be fall into the right place. Enjoy the journey, enjoy the life that we have.

Thank you for reading my blog and hope I inspire you!

Lorelie