Freedom is something, I realized in the past year, that is not a given. Living in a calmful place on Earth, I never had to question myself about that. I didn't think I needed liberty because I had it by default.
Just like so many other things in life, unless you have to face the removal of the said thing, you don't know its importance. Little by little, I felt my government remove this thing I took for granted. At first, it was easy to deal with, but with time I became depressed and I didn't realize it was due to a primary need of mine.
All people have needs, and freedom is part of them. I think it might be more acute in my own personality. At the same time, my work was getting less and less certain. There was speaks of the company where I worked with being sold. And it indeed came true. I had to deal with the Covid stress mixed with the job uncertainty - not unlike a lot of people.
I felt anxious, depressed and didn't know where or whom to turn to. I couldn't see my friends anymore. I always felt illegal when I wasn't home. At the same time I met someone online. And everything went to shit in my head. I cheated on my wife virtually, I felt like crap and obsessed on that while everything in the world seemed crazy around me.
So before all my life gets destroyed by that damn virus, I decided to tell my wife, try to end the toxic relationship with the online date and take the matter in my own hands. We discussed and thank to a wonderful wife, we really got the hang of it and dealt with it like adults. We went to see a sexologist once a month and I decided to also see a psychologist for myself in parallel.
This was all in 6 months. Crazy crazy times. Fast forward to today; Still with the wife. Love her. Love my kids. Will stay together for sure. I never stopped loving them by the way if you ever wonder. It made me wonder if you might be able to love 2 person at the same time? Because for a while that's really what I felt.
Going back to Normal
We try to make the most of our freedom these days. We went outside today with the kids and realize how lucky we are to be all together to go through the weird times we are in. It's fun to be back on my feet. I realize even more how life is beautiful now. Watching the kids grow fast, becoming more and more filled with personality. Realize they don't need school to become better humans, to evolve.
We are such resilient creatures, but we need to take care of ourselves.
There's nothing wrong in admitting failure if you work for it.
Get help if you feel like you need it, it could save you.