What Did I Just Do?
I’ve gone stark raving mad. I must be crazy. What on earth have I just done to myself now? I’ve gone off the deep end, off the cliff, even worse I’ve gone completely off the rails. Watch out for the train wreck crash memes!
They say it’s a new year. I have no idea what day it is, let alone what year. Resolutions? What are those? If I live through this year, that’s the only resolution I can think of that is worth making (no, I’m not dying). The universe had other plans for this year. I just wasn’t informed ahead of time. Probably better that way or I’d have shut it down immediately.
There are some things in life that still come wrapped in an experience of fear steeped old and deep for me. I know them well, but those stories are for other posts. I decided long ago I can’t do certain things. Not, I’ll make mistakes. Not, I’ll fail. Simply straight up No, Nadda, No Can Do, as in Never No Go Ever No. Signed, sealed, and delivered. Ironclad agreement.
Something shifted throughout 2021. I wasn’t giving it much thought, so it slipped in slowly, water warming. For almost a year and half now, I’ve been hanging out with the fun crowd at #palnet. I’ve plugged in to listen to many shows on MSP Waves and joined in with the audience chat. I’ve met so many people (not going to tag everyone to death here) that I’ve connected with. It’s been an experience that has lightened many difficult times for me over the last year and a half. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. I’ve had some serious good times with a great bunch of people that are downright addictive to socialize with. In fact, if I hadn’t been hanging around with people on #palnet for a while beforehand, I never would have developed an interest in joining Hive.
Loud & Proud is one of the shows I’ve been plugging into weekly, although, the first time it was a touch of the ice water bucket surprise. I remember thinking, “What kind of show is this?” Two shows in, I was hooked. Where else could I let my hair down and be outrageously wild? The show even has an “Off the Rails” episode the last weekend of every month, where we all hang out in voice chat during the show. Anyone who wants to can join in voice. New terrifying concept for me. On live radio? An audience? No way. Can’t do that. Frozen claws.
Coaxing ensued. Once you get to know people well enough, really like them, and they treat you well, it gets really hard to say no. I gave in. I survived. As the months went by I relaxed into the show completely. No problem with joining “Off the Rails” once a month. Letting go of fear. Much easier to do when one isn’t being judged, attacked, criticized, pushed around and disrespected. It’s a place where I don’t have to filter every blooming thing I say for fear of offending someone.
At the very end of December last year, @unklebonehead and I were chatting. He asked me to join Loud & Proud as the new co-host to fill Radioman’s shoes, since he is retiring. My immediate response was, “Yes”. Later I think, “What did I just do?”, and the whole mental conversation of how nuts this is, what do I think I’m doing, I can’t possibly pull this off. Too late. I already committed. I don’t back out of commitments like that.
These two truckers, @unklebonehead and Johnny Gearjammer stole my heart. I didn’t even think of saying, “No”. @thisnewgirl is another co-host who joined the show last year, adding her hawt spicy flavours and sexy voice to the chorus. She already had my heart before joining the show. The three of them are irresistible. Sorry Radioman, you’re toast now, it’s a done deal. It’s official. I’m the fourth co-host as of January 1, 2022. On the first show, I performed a selection of my rap rant, “I Have Issues”, after some nudges from @unklebonehead to do so. Thought I might choke, might be a joke, or the joke, but I pulled it off without passing out. Four hours flew. I had a blast!
Each week, @unklebonehead rolls up his sleeves to do the heavy button pushing (don’t push the wrong buttons Unkle!) to post the show replays. Here’s the link for my first Loud & Proud show where you can hear the replay:
@unklebonehead/l-p-starting-it-all-over-in-2022-audio-only-podcast
Even though I’m only two shows in, I feel right at home. The absolute terror of performing, of being focused on by an audience is being crushed under my boot heel. This is how you deal with challenges, one step at a time, until the next thing you know, you’re doing something you had convinced yourself you could never do.
If you want to check out Loud & Proud and get to hear a whole other side of Nine, the show airs every week. Live life on the wild side. Laugh until you cry. Links where you can listen to the live stream and join audience chat are below.
A heartfelt thank you to @unklebonhead, Johnny Gearjammer, @thisnewgirl, and Radioman for such a warm reception from the get go first show! Thanks to everyone who listens to the show (you know who you are, lol), you also gave me a warm welcome and hoots of support!
Special thanks to @unklebonehead for allowing me to use the image he created for Loud & Proud.