Ah, the joy of impossible tasks. At least it's cute.
The old Rottie used to do stuff like that when he was young, but he didn't need a gopher hole to step in, he was great at just tripping over his own front feet while running at a full sprint downhill.
Something that used to work for me, after I'd trained him to sit, was to just a hold a treat in one hand while I was reading, and he would sit and wait for it. When he started to lose interest, I'd just shake my hand a little, and he was right back at attention. I could keep him almost motionless like this for a couple hours sometimes, with just a few treats.
I can't swear it will work for yours, but mine used be all attention when I had a treat in my hand. People used to ask me if he was trained, and I would tell them "He's a genius if you're holding a piece of bacon."