I had a roll of Porta 160 35mm film sitting in my Canon AE-1 for almost a year, having not necessarily given up photography, but definitely lost a bit of the spark I had before with the increase of film prices and all the things going on in life. Throughout the past year I knew that the roll had some photographs I wanted to get, so the other day I finally finished that roll (mostly wasting it in the dull streets of England) to get the hopefully decent photographs. Some of these photographs on that roll of film contained the last photographs I took of my dog, Myah. I had never really taken a lot of photographs of her with my Canon AE-1, it was often a struggle to get any that would come out okay. Juggling shutter speed, lighting and film speed alongside her constantly moving around meant that much of the photographs I tried to take of her with that camera would end up blurry. Part of my expected this result and I was prepared for the worst when I handed the roll over to the development company. But I knew that I had to get the roll developed before it potentially expired. I've added the blurry photograph that would even be the outcome of trying to take pictures of her with the 35mm film camera at the end of the post; you'll see what I mean by how much of a challenge it was!
Getting this roll back resulted in a wave of emotions hitting. Photographs of her taken in the final days, but still looking and acting the same as she ever did. I really liked that the photographs capture her wild nature, the cute and innocent, and then the goofy faces that would come whenever she would be fed something. I often took photographs of her in the middle of eating something because of her silly expressions; I had thousands like this on my phone! And then there's the calm and collected side of her, the Myah that just loved to lay around and observe her surroundings, especially as the old age started to set in. She went from having that puppy energy to seeing the rain outside and just not wanting to get up. But her personality never really changed, even if her energy did a little. At this point, in the photographs, she was barely able to walk. Her condition had really weakened as a result of a very common problem that appears in older dogs via their back legs. Though nothing else had changed with her.
Even a year later it's surprising how much that little friend of mine still manages to influence me, even today I found myself looking at a blank page and unmotivated, only to pull up some of her pictures and start drawing them, suddenly the motivation flowing back and the weight on my shoulders lifted. This past week I've found myself going to the locations she loved the most and walking around, taking in the early spring environment and just relaxing as things get all chaotic around me. A little sadness felt in such moments but memories flooding of the things she would do in those areas, how fun it was for the both of us. And that sense of mystery and excitement to get out and do things returned. It's interesting how our pets can have this effect on us; changing us and giving us some life lessons, encouraging us to do more and be better.
We often hear people say that people look like their pets, or that their pets have the personality of their owner(s). I think often enough that is true, and in the case of Myah and me I feel like I did become more observant and more open to doing things through her.
The other day I found myself sitting by a river in an area we would often walk through, often during the early mornings in winter. Where the river had burst and flooded into the fields. The water turning the fields more into a swamp, but we'd both walk through it and not caring one bit how muddy and wet we ended up. Sitting there I realised that there were so many places and things I would not have done if I didn't have her with me. I realise I appreciate these surroundings a lot more now, having grown up disliking them most of the time. I explored the most with her, and I noticed that in her final year we both were the most active we had ever been together; part of me feels that I have to continue it for her, and take on that love of discovery she had and carry it on.