How I react to technical difficulties..
You're now tuned in to my 366th post—welcome! Had I registered this account around this time last year, 366 would be right on schedule for someone who posts daily. I don't do that. Takes everything I got to release two a week, every ounce of soul in me goes into these. In September I'll have been here four years which makes 366 seem low.
Roughly 1,300 days ago I introduced myself here which means my current average is slightly above three articles per week. There was a time in 2019 when Pura and I were touring Central America where I released an article seven days straight in an attempt to earn @qurator 's Shining Qurite award. PS—I won that shit! Other than that, there may have been a week or two in the past 1,300 days where I shared more than two articles with you.
When I finish editing these things to death and I'm double/triple checking all my Tea's and Eye's, Bee's and Hive's, in anticipation of my nemesis Post Button, I'm prepared! I despise the edit button like pharmaceuticals unless we're in the comment section—totally different. "Edited" adjacent to the post title, in my opinion, is Proof Of Work I fucked up. I'm the worst mistake maker you've never met.
So when I work my ass off on content to release twice a week only to have my ass handed to me when the cover image doesn't show up I can hardly sleep plus a buncha other stuff I won't admit. I inserted one page divider to separate a pair of paragraphs before the cover in that post I just linked and apparently that's a BIG fuckin no-no!
Noted!
Pura said "just do another one." She's a lot more consoling than that, she knows how attached I am to this platform. Ed Privat, "you learned something didn't you? Now get over it." I don't even wanna look at that missing cover image so I'm doing what anyone else who pisses standing up would do—what my wife said.
Signs
I didn't even put that there, all I did was point and shoot. That's how easy Paradise Lawn and Tree Service made the cover image for me—thanks! They used tools to physically drive that Lawn and Tree Service advertisement into a gravel and asphalt driveway entrance to a concrete parking lot. The nearest property with grass and trees on it was a church on the opposite side of the road about five acres away.
This next one isn't anything other than acceptable and expected if you live in America. It wasn't until we lived abroad for two years I realized advertising is an American perversion—not like this anywhere else. One of the first things Pura and I would mention out loud to each other when we landed somewhere, anywhere—Greece, Jordan, Italy, anywhere except here: "Look, no billboards!"
Here in the United States, I get emails like the above advertisement regularly. We have spam and junk folders full of it but it doesn't stop there. Robots call our phones hourly with some bullshit sales pitch about save money on car insurance or your vehicle's extended warranty is expired. We have a plethora of attempted scammers, too, fake IRS agents, Nigerian Prince's, Apple Product Support, everyone you can think of.
I know this feeling.. I think it.. It feels like a rant
Exit a freeway in the United States and you'll be overwhelmed by 50 billboards with everything from free lap dances at the local gentleman's club to auto insurance savings, hotel deals, buy 1 get 1 lunch specials, attorney at law (shit ton of those!) all at the same exit.
We're constantly receiving phone calls, emails, text alerts (those are new), nothing's off-limits. Not a hotel or resort type getaway in this country isn't surrounded by LED illuminated billboards that electronically alter information every 30 seconds between multiple advertising agencies. Commercial ads on tell-a-vision, they're all over the radi-no, front counter in the medical orifice, waiting table at the mechanic shack: advertisement, advertisement, advertisement, advertisement.
Foreigners tuned in think I'm exaggerating and my fellow Americans are under the impression it's like that everywhere. Fun fact! I'm not.... It's not. That buy two pairs get one free sales pitch at Victoria's Secret doesn't extend beyond the Atlantic or Pacific Coast.
Those free Jalapeño Popper Chicken Sandwich ads are a dime a dozen. Free shake with any meal, upsize your meal for free, 5th pizza is free, yata yata. They spoon feed us ads from every direction all day every day. This is my long-winded way of asking: 'In all of those bajillion shit food advertisements you feed me day in - day out, how come I've never seen a free lettuce with the purchase of a tomato coupon?' Never seen a billboard that says 'free celery with every visit.' Free cheeseburger, check! Free donuts, King-Sized Snickers bars, 2 for 1 CocaCola and unlimited refills; check, check, check and check. Free carrots and a protein drink....
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This concludes the rant section of this article... probably
I saw that one and immediately thought about where I parked—in the shade. I didn't want to assume anything but I got the impression they wanted me to park on the grass—equally damaging. I had nowhere else to park, though, and it clearly states don't park under trees so I moved to an open area on the grass.
Dammit! Now I'm convinced they want a bunch of moving vehicles at Lakeshore Park. There was open fields, basketball courts, walking trails and everything else family related at Lakeshore Park but no parking. So I drove around on the grass for an hour and a half.
That's a trash dumpster, see how big the thing is? It takes up a whole parking space at the gas station and stands about six feet tall—can't miss it. Kawasaki green is captivating even if for only a few seconds.
That's how big the side window is. The dumpster's so big there's a 12 foot long picnic table sticking out of it and the semi truck used to transport the thing is required to stop at weigh stations in order to travel on public roadways. All that and Kawasaki green too.
Almost!
"Field Closed Due To Maintennace"
Thanks! I hardly noticed
Last month Pura and I went to North Carolina—different world over there. Covid has us pretty confused in the states, there's different laws and regulatory requirements depending what street corner you stand on. In California, for example, you can't even use a public toilet to wash your hands, that state's closed. I'm not even sure they're allowing humans to cross the state line yet. Business as usual here in Tennessee. Everything's wide open; amusement parks, gyms, restaurants, salons—wide open. This next one's a Wednesday night at an Italian joint in Knoxville.
40 minute wait
And that's the parking lot on a Wednesday night—business as usual. In North Carolina, not so much! Tattoo joints, hair salons, hardware stores, they're all closed. We couldn't even enter a convenience market without getting our temperature checked and sterilizing our hands with whatever's in the bottle they insisted we lather our hands with. Everything's kinda Willy Wonky over there.
They're flying flags upside down, protesting on street corners, small businesses are closed for good—different world. I haven't seen it like that anywhere else and we've driven coast to coast from Florida to California and back since returning to the states in August.
When we got there we couldn't help but notice we were the only ones without facial disguises. We already look California which is instant celebrity status abroad but in this country, the USA, unless you're physically in California, don't admit anything! 49 out of 50 states hate Californian's and they're not shy about it. I watched a lady freak out in the market the other day over strawberries—California grown: "I ain't eatin these fuckin strawberries!! I hope they rot in hell!" (at the top of her lungs) Being the conforming humans we're strategically bred to be, we complied like all the other oxygen breathers by restricting our natural air intake with a germ saturated surgical mask and it had nothing to do with this:
It's the law in North Carolina, Executive Order #147. We didn't recognize our criminal behavior until we stopped for a cup of coffee. I don't know the progression of fines and penalties related to the new Executive Order but it means you'll go to jail in North Carolina if you're unmasked and you don't even have to be black.
Speaking of can't fly under the radar. I saw this dude when we were in England—wasn't worried about me at all. All signs here lead to one Love.
Peaceful
They're real P/C in England—real P/C! Stay with me, Brits, I swear this'll end in your favoUr. You can't even flip someone off in England, they can fine and/or arrest you for airing out a middle finger. If you do 🖕🏽 that and say "Fuck You" at the same time in England, you will get arrested—insinuating a riot.
Take for example Black Lives Matter. Here in the states, it's not only common but absolutely expected to read a plethora of derogatory signs complete with uncensored curse words like these—some cleaner than others.
In England, not so much. There was a Black Lives Matter protest on the corner of Water Road in Todmorden, about 100 yards from our kitchen window. I went down there.
"CAREFUL NOW Down With This Sort Of Thing"
Not to mention the protest was in Northern England where I didn't see one black person one time during our seven month lockdown. That's one way to guarantee a peaceful protest I guess—buncha white people yellin "Black Lives Matter" at a buncha white people.
Relax, I'm white, that makes it ok
Anyone tuned into this can go to England if/when flight schedules return and feel welcome as soon as you step foot on English territory. Those Brits will welcome you with open arms. They'll take you to and from the bus station, take you out to dinner and refuse to let you pay the tab. They're inviting you to their house, inviting you to stay the weekend while handing you a set of keys, preparing home cooked meals—open door policy in England. Los Angeles.. Laugh Out Loud, that's funny!
Fun fact: Back home they'll jack everything in the house at gun point at 11 o'clock in the morning while the stolen moving van's double parked in your front yard. Ask someone for directions in LA, you better have your head on a swivel. Sudden stops like asking someone for directions, you're a sitting duck. Speaking of Fun Facts.
Weak! One Covid'll kick all their asses
Interesting, I just rolled some Kush on the same paper—Happy Independence Day!
Don'ut trip, Aitocrrwrect can Bee a reel dick sumtimez
I gotta be close to my time limit now, another 2,000 words, that's a lot of signs. I'll go check real quick. You won't notice I'm gone but I am leaving—be right back.
:interlude:
Looks like I got two more. Sorry England, there's another one in your back yard. I didn't plan on emphasizing how P/C you guys are but, "if I'm being honest," you make it easy. The only country I'm aware of on planet earth with Politically Correct personal transportation.
As ridiculous as that parking lot sign is, I'd still adhere to it before I considered giving this next one a fraction of my attention.
That last one's not a sign, it's an Elk. A really, really big and massive, multiple antler having Elk that got really close to me so I took a picture—cheese!
Shout out to Tesla and the questionable collection of signs featured in the following music video, 'thanks for the title!'. Tesla, they're a band, not the one in Silicon Valley who has his nuts dangling on everyones chin.
