Light My Fire, Not My Trousers

Ahoy, gentle men, and fair ladies; it is my honor to bring you a review of a product that I’m sure many of you will find useful and immensely delightful.

This wonderful invention has changed the game of smoke, at least for me it has. I am not a smoker myself, for I much prefer the company of a good vaporizer. Nevertheless, now and then, when I’m feeling nostalgic about the previous weekend, I like to fill my pipe and light up for old time’s sake. One particular thing that I'm not too keen on is the use of lighters and matches to enjoy the flower. It always leaves a taste in my mouth and well, who knows what else I'm inhaling in the process. This is the reason why I quit smoking many moons ago in favor of the vapors. Having recently acquired a sleek high-tech pipe, I was eager to experiment with a new lighting technique. So, when I saw this product in the (legal) Cannabis store in my area, I jumped into this new adventure.

The Bee Line Hemp Wick is a roll of beeswaxed organic hemp. I was skeptical at first, but I am sucker for good product design, and the hippies who made this product did not disappoint, so I pulled the trigger and got a roll for a couple of Canadian pesos. I present to you, the Bee Line Organic Hemp Wick.

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Instead of inhaling fumes from a lighter or sulfur from a match, you simply light the wick first (with a lighter or a match), then bring flame to flower and puff away. Puff puff puff aawaaaayyyyyy...Ahh!

How does it work? The procedure requires more steps than usual. There are three items involved: a filled pipe, the lighter, and the wick.

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In my first testing trial, I held the pipe in one hand, the wick in the other, and I quickly realized I had hit a snag. How was I supposed to light the wick. Aha! I had to put down my pipe on a nearby surface, and then light the wick with the lighter, put the lighter down on the surface (whilst the wick was still lit), pick up the pipe (being careful not to blow out the flame), and then join fire with plant and puff and puff and puff puff puff awwwwaaaay...and I did puff by the seven horns of Saturn. I did!

It was then I realized I had another problem. The flame on the wick began to grow while I was puffing away like a mad dragon, I quickly put the pipe down and swatted the flame with my free hand. Embers flew in the night, and I nearly set my pants on fire, but by the grace of Poseidon's green beard, no harm came to my trousers.

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Alas, I had not read the instructions in the package, which stated that one could use the edge of the case to tap out the flame. Oho! Ingenious! Only a pot fiend would think of using paper to put out fire. With practice, I have refined my methods. I quickly flick the flame to put it out and use the carton's edge to extinguish the glowing ember. A simple rite imbued with the spirit of ancient shamanic shenanigans.

I tested both the lighter and the wick to delineate any further differences. The results? Ah, there’s no comparison, good sirs and madams. The wick tastes infinitely better than the fume-leaden flames of the lighter. Is it any healthier? I don't know, but it tastes a whole lot better. Yes, the procedure of using the wick requires more steps, and there is a slight chance of burning your trousers, but I guarantee that you won’t be disappointed by this delightful contrivance. Thus, if you're a smoker, and I'm not assumming one way or the other, then by Jupiter's supernumerary nipple, get yourself a wick and puff puff puff awayyyyyyy.


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