For the assignment "Sequences": Turning water into wine.
#tldr Photography school is hard. But I chose it for a reason. Now I am noticing changes in how I perceive photography and there is no way back. #end-tldr
It already feels like a lifetime ago that I told myself that I needed to do a course in photography to get unstuck. I was at a point that I was annoyed with myself for only shooting cliche photos of nice places that I visited. But that was all that they were... "nice snapshots".
This idea started in Venice. The city gave me so much joy when walking around it, but I wasn't able to catch that in photography. And to be honest. I didn't even try because it never really came to mind that I could try that. All I could think about was that I just didn't see what proper photographers saw when looking for a shot. There was a photography shop that I visited a few times. They had amazing photos of the city and I was just jealous. If only, one day, I would be creative enough to take photos like that.
I started asking friends, who I saw develop into good photographers, what courses they did or would suggest. I checked websites, did some test lessons, read reviews, checked my bank account. And decided to go for a full 3-year education in image creation.
Why? Because most courses would just teach me about techniques and not train my photographic eye. And I felt that was going to be a waste of money. I decided to spend more on something that was likely pretty good and probably a bit overdone for what I was looking for. But I could always stop after a year if it wasn't for me, right?
Art school is so much different than IT-school
School... My class is pretty tiny. During the introductions, I felt completely out of place. They were already so experienced! All I had been doing was taking snapshots while traveling the world! My goal? Ehm... "become good enough to generate some passive income". My goal was never to become a full-time professional photographer!
What had I gotten myself into? We had to stop using photography to "register" something that we see, but more as a tool to tell our story. My geeky brain had a massive WTF moment. How was I ever going to figure that out?
We received a bunch of assignments. The first was about photographing the theme "light" without showing the light source. I started brainstorming all sorts of different meanings and uses of light. I ended up cheating a little with UV powder and blacklight.
In the following months, we struggled. Half the time, I didn't understand what made certain photos an interesting series. The teacher mentioned photographers being too present in photos. For a series about my street, I went outside on Kingsday to report about the activity in my street, and the series got thrown away because it was not about my street but about the event... "Just go sit outside on a bench in your street and observe what happens", my teacher said. The series had to be about the character of my street. I had no clue what I could even learn by doing that.
"I am completely in the wrong place!! I will never understand this!!"
Thankfully, I wasn't alone. One assignment was about photographing another student in their house. And then you start talking and it becomes clear we all have our own struggles. In hindsight, it makes sense. If we understood it from the start, we wouldn't need to be there.
When we got closer to the end, we were allowed to also show some "free assignments" work. I may not have understood the "freeness" of it correctly. But it got gently rejected. I was pretty desperate. because the thing they were looking for in images was something that I wasn't comfortable with: "Feelings". How on earth would you show feelings in your photos if you aren't even aware of your own feelings? I was sent home with a supportive "I think it could still be in there... but you need to go look for it a bit better". Whatever that may mean. "Squeeze it out of the images" is a term that I heard too many times and apart from upping the contrast, I have no clue what else that could mean.
Those rock-bottom moments are always very helpful somehow. But only when you look back! Back to the drawing board, I started thinking closer to home. "What can I photograph that tells more about who I am and what my life looks like?" I started working on my anosmia series
Change is subtle
During the end-evaluation, my teacher said about me that I made a final sprint. I can't pinpoint when I started seeing a little bit of light. I remember staring at my photos of the subway of Amsterdam and looking for a feeling belonging to what I had in front of me. At some point, I saw something in there. And I started somewhat seeing what my teacher meant. That was confirmed during the final lesson. This was what he meant and it was so much stronger and better. It wasn't a Eureka moment so I am not very sure that I can replicate it. But still. It is a start.
I finished most of my assignments. The challenge was to work backward and find a story with the images that I had already made. And add one or 2 extra images to it to make it complete. From the next module on, I will try to avoid this at all costs. Photography is so much easier if you already have the story in your head before you turn on the camera.
No way back!
The biggest shock and realization came when I went through my own photo archive looking for a few specific photos. Photos that I dismissed before suddenly got my attention. And vice versa: I suddenly didn't understand anymore why I picked one photo over another.
My taste in photos is changing. I notice it on $HIVE too. Photographers that I admired before got reshuffled in order of interest. And I am starting to feel a bit like a weirdo on this platform, where my images aren't necessarily pretty, but hopefully more meaningful than before.
My photographic eye is developing and it is something that cannot be undone. Looking at what just a few months of school already had as an impact makes me kind of nervous and excited for what is to come. Could school really turn me into an artist?
A regular phrase at school is "This is almost like therapy". It is almost spiritual. And that's the reason I chose this "Water to Wine" sequence as the thumbnail and photo for this blog. Change is happening. And it feels a little like magic. It is clear that it will give more flavor to what I am doing with a camera in my hand. All I need to figure out is if I like the taste of Wine for my photos.
(Sorry for this long story.... )