Reevaluating my social lifestyle was one of the things that happened immediately after I understood and further embraced minimalism. I realized there were lots of changes that must be made regarding my social life, and I didn't hesitate to do the needful. It seems like a difficult thing to do initially, but it wasn't as I kept reminding myself that putting people first would be at the detriment of my wellbeing.
Before the reevaluation happened, I wasn't much of a social person but there was this societal expectation to be part of what's happening around me. Being a Nigerian, we are connected with families from far and near meaning there will always be an event to attend, especially on weekends, and showing up there was more about trying not to ruin my relationship with people. I honestly can't count the number of events I attended for this reason, and they were more about going through stress than having fun.
I remembered traveling out of my state for an event; it's something I wouldn't do ordinarily, but trying to keep my relationship with someone inspired it, and the trip left a bad impression on me both physically and mentally for days.
Growing up, there was a common adage here that says "it's only when you celebrate with people, others will celebrate with you," and many Nigerian kids grew up with this mentality because it wouldn't make any sense for people not to show up on your big day.
I carried this mentality for a while even though I didn't attend all the events I was invited to, but at least I went to some gatherings just to please those who invited me. The most annoying thing was that many Nigerian events don't just end with your presence, and the popular Aso Ebi is a must because that's the trend. Aso-ebi is like a uniform chosen by the host, and they put it out for sale to those attending the event.
Then, I would buy these clothes so I don't feel odd at the event. After wearing it once, it would just lay there in my wardrobe because I am not a big fan of native attire. I love outfits that wouldn't deprive me of the freedom to move freely, and native dress isn't one of them, I always have my wardrobe cluttered with those clothes.
After the reevaluation, my mindset shifted from just attending events for people's sake to doing what I really wanted. I cultivated the habit of saying no to gathering that doesn't align with my values in terms of building connection and experience.
One of them was my secondary school reunion, which was one of the events I was always happy to attend. It's always a low-key celebration where we build connections and catch up with what's happening in every individual's life. We always have meaningful conversation, and it sometimes lasts 6–8 hours once a year.
Before the last one I attended, there was a suggestion that we included other sets since we were the seniors, but a few of us turned it down. We eventually voted, and the idea won. I didn't see myself attending any longer, but for the sake of my classmates who have turned close friends, I attended, and that was the end for me. Upon arriving at the venue, it was crowded, loud music, and we did nothing more than games and food. There was this absence of the usual bonding and connection we always had, which was a turn-off for me.
The former me would have continued to attend for the sake of my friends and because I didn't want to be seen as an arrogant person, but those things stopped bothering me.
I started turning down events politely and only focused on events that aligned with my values. People around me started understanding these changes, and they know when to invite and not invite me. The good thing is that I always have my celebration low-key and usually don't need numbers, so there was no way anyone could get back at me for not attending their event.
My relationship with a lot of people were affected because of the minimalism impact on my social life, which is absolutely fine because I understand that it's impossible to please everyone.
Sometimes in 2022, a friend invited me to his younger sister's wedding ceremony, and we were already talking about Aso-ebi for about $40. I did a rough estimate of how much attending the wedding would cost me aside from the mandatory outfit, and there was no way I would spend that much just to attend someone's wedding.
I made him understand that keeping up with the wedding demand wouldn't work for me, and he got really pissed because he knew I could afford everything he said, but I just didn't want to do it. His attitude changed towards me, and I decided not to even attend at all. On that day, I sent a tangible gift through another friend, and that was more satisfying than splashing that amount of money just to please my friend.
The same thing applies to simple celebrations in the neighborhood; I barely attend when it has to do with just noise and food. I wouldn't mind attending an event with just a few people, but at the end, there should be an experience worth reflecting on any time or day.
Instead of attending gatherings to please people, I now choose to sit at home and have a great time with my family or probably engage in other activities that would make me happy. On days when I feel like going outdoor or probably want to hangout and have fun with my friends or family outdoor, I look for a cool place where music, cost and every other thing is moderate.
The authenticity in the minimalist lifestyle makes it a perfect way of living for me because I always see the need to put my feelings first. By prioritizing my wellbeing and values, I have successfully broken free from societal expectations about my social life. A lot has transformed as I invest more in my wellbeing and can confidently say that I have found a sense of purpose and clarity, most especially with my social lifestyle.
All Image are mine
